The Burden of BJJ Beautiful—Our Dojo Goes Hollywood

BJJ Beautiful
BJJ Beautiful

Last night our dojo was blessed to take part in an extraordinary event. A camera crew filming for a nationally televised show (Mann vs. Mann) used our dojo for a show. At first the plan was to include the students in the show. Upon hearing this, I did what any reasonable person in this situation would do. I woke up early and made a pot roast so that my husband would have dinner…and then listed our house on the market for sale because HELLO?

Um HOLLYWOOD???

Of course, I should have known better. It never happened. We were made to stay off camera. Why you ask?

I’d heard rumors of such a phenomenon but only thought it was that…rumor. It hasn’t had a name until I needed a blog post NOW.

BJJ Beautiful.

Apparently there is something about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu that just makes one unusually attractive. I know! RIGHT? It seems ludicrous at first, but think about it. Why are there no GRACIE JIU JITSU MOVIES? We have Kung Fu, Karate, Kempo, Aikido…but not ONE grappling flick.

Sure, you could be thinking it’s because trying to shoot sweaty men rolling around on the ground grunting and hugging each other isn’t nearly as dramatic as a Jackie Chan scene where he kills five men with a two swizzle sticks and a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

But I think there is something FAR more nefarious at work here. NO, NOW I KNOW there is.

Like I said, we students were supposed to be in the show, but then, the stars were “running late.” UH-HUH. OR, they didn’t want to compete with…THIS!

Oh MY GOD, BECKY. LOOK at her CHOKE!
Oh MY GOD, BECKY. LOOK at her CHOKE!

Brangelina? Choked her OUT!
Brangelina? TAP OUT!

The reason there are no Gracie Jiu Jitsu movies is because Hollywood would implode. There, I said it. The 500 pound gorilla in the room. I called him out and arm-barred him. You’re welcome. Because my BJJ Brothers and Sisters have suffered in silence long enough.

Maybe you thought something was wrong with you. Maybe you thought that people were backing off because you probably should have washed the gi after Day Two. Maybe your grappling partner’s neck was red because of beard burn. But maybe, just maybe, it was an affect of BJJ Beautiful. That being that close to so much attractiveness…has consequences. Real physical consequences.

Flying too close to the sun, man.

And you probably think I am crazy and you’d likely be correct. But here is some proof. First, the KIDS.

Girls don't need TIARAS! They need tap outs!
Girls don’t need TIARAS! They need tap outs!
Child stars? Just redo your resumes….
Child stars? Just redo your resumes….

Still not a believer?

I was documenting the filming of the show and captured THIS!
Screen Shot 2015-11-04 at 11.17.26 AM

And THIS…
Screen Shot 2015-11-04 at 11.17.39 AM

Did you see it? See what I am talking about? EXACTLY! You didn’t see it! Not ONE good straight-on shot of Professor Young’s unusually attractive FACE!
Granted, it could have been me being too distracted doing my own head shots just in case an agent called…

She can ACT, TOO!
She can ACT, TOO!

More likely, it was because Jiu Jitsu makes you unusually attractive. Can’t you see? They couldn’t have the STUDENTS in the shot because then the fans might love us, but it would have been totally weird for Professor NOT to be on the show. But they could still SHUT HIM DOWN. I wouldn’t be surprised if they pixilate his face once it airs… *rolls eyes*

Or Photoshop in some boxing. Just saying.

I am breaking this news to you so the truth gets out there. I stayed up all night making stuff up interviewing REAL people affected by being BJJ Beautiful.

Here are just a few of their stories. Their names have been altered to protect the BJJ Beautiful…

Davido Salguerra

Before Jiu Jitsu, I would have never contemplated getting tattooed eyeliner, but when grappling, who wants that mess all over their gi? Try explaining THAT to your girlfriend. If she doesn’t grapple, she has NO clue about what it means to be BJJ Beautiful and she just thinks you’re cheating.

Being BJJ Beautiful is a blessing but also a responsibility. That blue gi enhances my eyes, but it’s my job to take that to another level, just like I do with anything else in Jiu Jitsu.

J. Fabio Pohlak-Sky

BJJ does make you better looking. I didn’t believe it. Friends who were grapplers tried to prepare me, to warn me, but grappling seemed too cool not to take a chance.

I’m glad I did.

Before I signed up for Gracie Jiu Jitsu I never would have thought of becoming a model. Now? What can I say? The future is limitless…

Dr. D’Shawn Mouse

I began in another form of martial arts so I never expected this. I just thought you put on a gi and trained, that ground-fighting was an excellent form of self-defense and a wonderful way to stay in shape. But it was SO much more. Nothing could have prepared me for being this unusually attractive, though my wife loves it.

Delicious-D-Leyva

It’s been an adjustment. I love Jiu Jistu, but I want someone who loves me for my mind.

Jiu Jitsu has always come with its share of challenges. Sprains, strains, injuries. But NO ONE has ever dared talk about the burden of being unusually attractive. It takes an extra dose of humility so that others don’t feel strange hanging out with us. We have to remember that there are others who are beautiful, but not everyone is BJJ Beautiful 😉 …

If you suffer from BJJ Beautiful, feel free to leave a comment and share your story or even how you’ve embraced being unusually attractive. If you are still in transition from another less-attractive sport, call our imaginary hotline 1-555-WER-FULLVCRAP

~Dojo Diva

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