Gracie Barra Mansfield | Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Category: Dojo Diva

When Bad Guys Have Bad Days—115 Pound Woman Pummels Attackers Using Jiu Jitsu

Hope everyone is surviving those first days back to school. Dojo Diva here for Mansfield Gracie Jiu Jitsu. As a writer and social media expert, I never know what will become part of my “brand”. Along with “kale”, “zombies” and “atrocities of crochet”…we have Brazilian Jiu Jistu. It is super cool that my following for my books is always on the lookout for a super kewl story about small women KICKING BUTT using Jiu Jitsu.

Apparently they think of moi *Awwwww*.

So, I thought I’d perk up your week with this AWESOME tale of bad guys having a BAD DAY…

*drum roll*

“Many robbers would consider a 115lb woman to be an easy target. It looks like a couple of would-be thieves made that mistake earlier this week.

Monique Bastos said two men approached her and attempted to rob her in Acailandia, Brazil. Unfortunately for her attackers, Bastos is a strawweight MMA fighter who was on her way to jiu-jitsu class.

For the rest of the article and to watch her attacker screaming for mercy? Go HERE.

September 3, 2015
Add a Little Aqua—The Perfect Compliment to Jiu Jitsu Training

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a fantastic workout. We at Gracie Barra Mansfield work hard to make sure of that. Yet, like all workouts, soreness and fatigue happen and old injuries can flare up. Instead of taking off completely, we can cross train in the water to help ease pain, soreness, inflammation and stiffness. Also, the best way to FIX a problem is to prevent it in the first place. By using some simple aquatic exercises, we can strengthen those areas most vulnerable to injury.

Water is an ideal environment for cross-training and rehabilitation. Since we are effectively weightless while in water, our joints can get a break because there is zero impact. Also, water is three times more resistant than air, so we get much more workout than we might realize.

As a writer, I have chronic issues with tendonitis. I also have problems with my back, neck and shoulder (courtesy of years of travel lugging around loads of luggage), which is why I add a regular dose of swimming and aquatic exercises to my routine. When I am diligent about complimenting my Jiu Jitsu training with aquatics, I feel better, sleep better and PERFORM better.

It’s hard to do well on the mat when our body is stiff, and our joints are sore.

Since I am smart enough to look to the experts, I’d like to recommend this article. Gracie Magazine offers 7 pool exercises exercises for rehabilitation and injury prevention. . .

“The specific training of a fighter is already stressful enough and water training can complement and develop various physical qualities. In the water, you may use devices that can increase the intensity of the exercises through resistance, what works better because there are no impacts on the joints. It’s important to understand that exhausting workout routines and competition training can often overwhelm your body and change an outcome. This water training method was developed by Prof. Alvaro Romano who has for many years since the 1980s started to train athletes from various sports….”

For the rest of the article, click HERE…

August 27, 2015
Gracie Goes BACK TO SCHOOL! Three Tips to Stop Bullying

The BJJ “Brothers”

Ah, BACK TO SCHOOL! At Gracie Barra Mansfield, we strive to support families and this means helping bully proof your kids. As an author and on-line personality, I can say that bullying never goes away. It seems that young bullies often simply grow up to become adult bullies. Though nothing will ever make bullies completely disappear, there are things we can do to minimize the damage they can do.

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is wonderful for helping our kids learn how to handle bullies, but Jiu Jitsu goes beyond simple self-defense. Martial arts practitioners might be prepared for a fight, but that in no way means we ever WANT a fight.

Today we are going to talk about three simple ways Jiu Jitsu helps kids with bullying.

Peace In The Plan

We talked about this earlier in the year. As a society, we drill for EVERYTHING. We have fire drills and flood drills. Tornado drills. Hurricane drills. We make a plan for what to do if separated at the mall. What to do if Mom forgets to pick us up from school. Heck, our family even has a plan for the Zombie Apocalypse.

But how many people plan (mentally prepare) for being verbally or physically assaulted?

Often, just wargaming a potential crisis can help tremendously. If it didn’t, flight attendants would simply wait until the plane was falling out of the sky to bother telling us that our seat cushions can also be used as a flotation device.

When you or your child trains in Jiu Jitsu, you are mentally preparing to be victorious and not a victim. Your child is practicing being in a bad spot and coming out unscathed (in a healthy environment).

Body Language

How do you feel when you deal with a person who refuses to make eye contact?

What about a person who keeps looking at a phone and tapping her foot when you are trying to ask a question?

How do you feel about people who smile genuinely when they see you?

Most communication is nonverbal. Body language is a HUGE deal. School can be hard on kids, especially at the beginning of a school year. Are the old friends going to still be friends? Will there be a place she can fit in? Maybe the school is completely new and is a frightening and unfamiliar world.

Jiu Jitsu instills a quiet confidence in those who practice the art. Confidence is nonverbal and it does affect how others treat us. Predators (bullies) are not looking for the kid who has a strong self image. They are sniffing out the insecure because the confident kid will just tell them to go pound sand. Bullying, manipulation and intimidation don’t work very well on the kid who has a strong sense of self.

Having a TRIBE

This strong sense of self can and does come from practicing a martial art, but it also comes from being part of a TRIBE. Bullies look for insecure loners because insecure loners lack a system of support. They lack peers who can be there for emotional support.

Think of wildlife documentaries. The pack of hyenas (great parallel for bullies) isn’t looking to take on an entire pride of lions. They are looking for the sick, old or lost gazelle who wandered too far away from the herd.

Bullies are cowards and the best thing we can do to bully-proof our kids is to add them to the Gracie Tribe. They can then learn to practice and live excellence and feel safe knowing they are part of something stronger than themselves. Maybe they don’t fit in at school, but they will always have their Jiu Jitsu brothers and sisters 😉 .

Jiu Jitsu also helps train our kids to be world changers. The only way to get rid of bullying is to train kids to have excellent character. Don’t BE a bully and if you SEE bullying? Make a difference. Protect those weaker and stand up for what is right.

We hope that you will come by and bring your kids. We offer an entire anti-bullying curriculum and look forward to making you part of our tribe!

August 20, 2015
Three Changes to Lose Weight, Gain Muscle & Build a Rockstar Immune System!

Here at Gracie Barra Mansfield, we are all about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, but we are really passionate about health. We believe that Jiu Jitsu is a lifestyle and it is for everyone. That is why Dojo Diva (moi) is heading to the KITCHEN today!

I even wore my favorite apron 😀 .

For any kind of training to have benefits, we must approach it holistically. It is very hard to out-train a poor diet. Diet provides us with all the building materials, but what exactly are those materials? What are we supplying?

If you were to build your dream home, would you want to make it out of cardboard, wire hangars, bubblegum and pressboard? Or would you prefer concrete, mahogany, mortar and stone? If you had your dream car, would you wash it with sugary sodas? Okay, not soda, just sweet tea 😉 . Or would you use clean water?

If we envision our bodies as a structure that we are constantly building, repairing or remodeling, it is easy to be pretty horrified with what we are doing to ourselves with diet. Since I have about a GAZILLION food allergies, I have been forced to become somewhat of an armchair nutrition expert, so we are going to talk about some simple nutrition fixes that can improve your energy levels, your fitness and your overall health.

I guarantee if you do these THREE things for the next 90 days, you won’t believe the improvement.

Get Enough Protein

This is one I get nailed on ALL the time. Since I work from home, it is easy for me to get distracted and forget to eat. We need to consume .82 grams of protein per pound of lean muscle weight. Research suggests that anything beyond the .82 grams is not effectively used and can actually turn into fat. But, I WILL say that while men who chug protein drinks are at risk for overdoing the protein, I imagine many of us are probably deficient so that’s where we will focus today.

If the average person inhales coffee on the way to work and maybe gets some kind of a carb (muffin) then a quick lunch and bad snacks and a hasty dinner, odds are, protein consumption is WAY LOW.

There are a number of problems that can come with lack of protein. First, most convenience foods are high in refined carbs and sugar, which will stimulate appetite. If we have enough protein, we will feel full longer. Additionally, if we aren’t getting enough protein in our diet, our body will start cannibalizing its own muscle.

This is bad for the guys who maybe want to build size because not enough protein means not enough “bricks” to build more muscle. Also, if you are deficient, your body is tearing down and using the muscles you already worked to build.

Lack of protein is also bad for the gals. The more lean muscle mass we possess, the faster our resting metabolic rate (that part where our body burns calories without us thinking about it). The less muscle we have, the slooooower the metabolism and age does NOT help this. A fabulous way to rev up a sluggish metabolism is to add more lean muscle. Hit the mats AND the weights.

Protein helps us lose weight, build muscle, burn fat, have energy and stay healthy. One major cause of compromised immunity is malnutrition. For instance, immunoglobulin (the gooey stuff in our blood stream that EATS germs) is made of amino acids (protein). So prepare for cold and flu season with a healthy serving of eggs, fish or chicken.

HYDRATE, HYDRATE, HYDRATE!

We need to make sure we are getting enough water. How much is enough, though. Take your total body weigh and divide it in half. That number is the number of ounces you need per day simply to sustain LIFE. This does not include additional hydration we might need because it is hot outside, or we are sweating hard with training or we had a caffeinated drink that will dehydrate us.

Remember, we need two servings of water to compensate for every ONE serving of caffeine. So have an 8 oz. cup of coffee? Okay. But add another 16 oz. of water to make up for the dehydrating affect of the caffeine.

If you are feeling sluggish, sleepy, depressed, or like you can’t think, instead of grabbing an energy drink, try water. Those are usually signs of dehydration. Our body is a hydroelectric system. We have electrical signals firing all over at any given time, but they can’t function if we are dehydrated.

Also, our lymphatic system relies on us having enough water. This web of glands acts as the body’s drainage system and without it, our immune system and cardiovascular systems would shut down. If our lymphatic system is thick and sluggish with toxins, that’s when disease and cancer set up shop.

Remember that water carries out waste. So when you train super hard at Jiu Jistu, those muscles need water. Water will carry away toxins and lactic acid that build up and this can help ease soreness and fatigue and aid in a faster recovery time.

Go Caveman

I am not a proponent of any kind of fad diet, but I will say that I eat Paleo because it is a really great way to eat healthy without having to do a lot of math (I.e. counting calories) or thinking (How many points is that?). Since I am highly allergic to gluten, dairy (casein) soy and some nuts, this way of eating helps me be able to eat and cook without having to think a lot.

Salmon with Balsamic Glaze

Recipe for THIS beauty HERE.

What does it mean to eat Paleo? Basically if an early hunter-gatherer could not have found it or eaten it raw? Don’t eat it. For instance, pretty sure Dr. Pepper was NOT around, but water was. No artificial sweeteners. No processed foods (those came AFTER agriculture was invented). No dairy because hunter-gatherers had not domesticated animals. Avoid nuts like cashews, because cashews are poisonous unless cooked before consumption.

Eating Paleo DOES mean plenty of vegetables, fruit, fish, meat, eggs, healthy oils (like coconut, avocado, olive or almond oils) and natural sweeteners like agave, raw sugar, or honey.

I have a very simple rule. If an EIGHT-YEAR-OLD cannot read and understand the ingredients? DO NOT EAT. We shouldn’t need a degree in organic chemistry to know what we are putting in our mouths. AVOID margarine, hydrogenated oils and Frankenbutter. This junk is made in a LAB and even ROACHES won’t eat it.

Back to Paleo…

What’s really awesome about this way of eating is, unlike other “diets”, the whole family can and should be eating this way. It isn’t a “diet” it is a way of LIFE. You will be fitter and your immune systems will be ROCKING!

If you’d like to check out some of the SUPER YUMMY stuff you can eat on Paleo, here is my Paleo Recipe Board on Pinterest. I like it because it removes almost all the junk we shouldn’t eat, helps us steer clear of the most common food allergens (peanuts, wheat, milk) and most recipes are only a handful of ingredients so they are simple to make. And, if you are wanting your diet to work as hard as you do on the mats? This is a great option.

Apply these THREE SIMPLE life changes—enough protein, enough water, clean eating—and your body will have all the building supplies it needs for a lean, mean, clean Jiu Jitsu machine!

~Dojo Diva

August 10, 2015
Reduce Stress, Increase Joy & Productivity—Why Is Simple So HARD?

At Gracie Barra Mansfield, we are interested in your well-being…as in ALL of it. We NEED balance. What I LOVE about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu it is really isn’t all that fancy. It just involves doing simple stuff, essential stuff really really well.

Funny how we get the same lessons in life over and over and…over. Maybe not you guys. Maybe y’all are sharper than me. But the thing I keep returning to is “essentialism.” Boil everything down to the basics. Focus on one or even a few key areas with all you have. THAT is the key to success.

So why is simple so hard?

But I know my life goes through these crazy times. If you have a pulse and are old enough to be potty trained? You’ve been there.

The Transition

It happened when I went from being single to married. I am a tad…ok, more than a tad OCD. I once moved and the movers called me, “The House that Rubbermaid Made.” Everything was organized and labeled and it took less than five hours for them to move me and less than four hours for me to completely unpack.

***Note: This phenomena hasn’t happened since *whimpers*.

Why? After that move it was no longer only ME.

I had to adjust to being a writer living with my mom who keeps EVERYTHING, then a wife of a man who is adorable but KEEPS EVERYTHING. Then I became a mom of a newborn and then a toddler, and now that he’s a Kindergardener? Yeah, I’m happy if I can keep the floors virtually hazard-free and my house not smelling like a crime scene.

But am I happy?

The Trouble with “Happy”

Am I happy?

I’ve had to ask that A LOT lately. In the end, happiness (in my opinion) should never be our goal. Why? Well, because the word is tethered to “happenstance.” It’s too wonky. Rather, I choose to do what is right knowing it will eventually produce joy which has a much longer shelf life. Am I happy being up at 3:30 in the morning because the cat coughed up a hairball on me in the middle of some weird dream about The Golden Girls and a money-laundering scandal?

No idea. That was a weird-@$$ dream and good reason not to eat too close to bedtime. BUT, I do know that I’m up for some reason…even if it is to make you feel totally sorry for me 😛

Happiness and Joy

I am a NAZI when it comes to language. Seriously. Since we have lost SO many family members in two years, I finally went to a grief counseling group at our church and while it IS awesome and I have made a lot of progress (like finally CRYING) I nitpick about the Scripture. And not to be preachy here, but if you aren’t a Christian, just work with me and roll with it.

We use a lot of the Beatitudes. The translation they use in the group makes me nutso. It isn’t, “HAPPY are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Happy? That makes NO sense to me. I prefer other translations that are closer to the original text, which tell me, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

I am NOT going to feel “happy” mourning. It’s awful losing people you love. But, if I learn to cry, let go, remember the good stuff and latch onto the gifts that those people’s lives gave me? I am definitely BLESSED.

Many times we are blessed yet miserable.

***Especially on DAY FOUR of Jiu Jitsu.

I can think of a lot of super tough times that made me howl to the heavens, WHY ME? Looking back? Those were the times I grew the most. Though I was NOT happy, I needed the lesson. I needed the growth. I needed to let go of baggage, people, situations that I didn’t realize (at the time) were toxic.

I needed to realize my purpose wasn’t selling industrial paper.

Like, seriously.

So, I do think semantics are key. We live in a world where everything is supposed to make us HAPPY. Well, kiddos, I hate to say it but most of the stuff that is good for us in the end will NOT make us happy. “Happy” is fleeting, joy is far deeper.

In BJJ, there will be a lot of times we are miserable, sore, sweaty and tired, but we learn to keep pressing. That the moment is fleeting, it is the work that will endure.

Letting Go

It’s interesting when I grapple with new white belts. They will get SO scope-locked on getting ONE move that they wear themselves out (and end up not getting what they wanted anyway). They don’t realize if they simply LET GO and changed direction (perspective) they would probably beat me (the upper belt).

Ain’t that profound?

I like to believe I am an Essentialist at heart. I lose sight sometimes. We all do. Don’t believe me? Look in your closet O_o. But life isn’t static. We are slaves to entropy.

We are changing and growing and shifting and we are wise to stay on top of what is going on. I cannot DO things the same as a Mommy-Writer with an infant who slept most of the day as NOW when I’m homeschooling a zombie-obsessed five-year-old who abducts Cheerios in the wee hours and sprinkles them in my couch like friggin’ fairy dust.

The goal is to always focus on what is essential. DO NOT COMPROMISE. And you will, but you can regroup. Breathe.

Gracie Barra Jiu Jitsu has always been essentialist in nature. No fancy twirls and kicks. Just learning to ebb and flow like water and feel the moves of your opponent. Then let go. To learn when to push and when to relax and BREATHE.

The weird paradox is that the more we let go, the more we can hold. We live in a world that tells us we can have it all. We can’t. Not really. There HAS to be a trade-off if we hope to do anything well (and remain sane).

For instance, I can have an immaculate home or a happy child. My son won’t remember that the house was dust-free in his childhood. He WILL remember playing at the pool with Mommy, or wrestling and playing “Attack of the MOMBIE.” He will remember the times at the park. He will remember Mommy suiting up with him to help teach his Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class.

And we wear matching gis. It’s cute and seriously dorky.

The dishes? Eh, not so much. And if he does and this scars him? Well, shrinks need to eat too.

Choose Wisely

Okay, if you are anything like me you will likely goof this up and need retraining. Why? Because in our New-And-Improved-World, EVERYTHING is important. So give yourself some grace if you get it wrong the first couple tries.

With all the options flying at us telling us we can HAVE IT ALL, we might struggle with discernment. That’s OKAY. Remember, life is not static. Like Jiu Jitsu…just change direction. Make a different decision.

Go AROUND the leaf….

But, if we can look to the CORE of life, what is it? Health, Wealth, Relationships (not in any necessary order), priorities become clearer. As a fun fact, the word priority came from the Latin word a priori which was SINGULAR. It wasn’t until close to the Industrial Revolution that the word was ever pluralized into priorities. What this means to me it that most companies have their collective heads up their butts I need to work on discernment.

With my life? Which things are priority? I can make a list—oh, can I make LISTS—but I’m better off focusing everything into a singular CORE a priori.

What is my GOAL as a mother and wife? As a writer? As a teacher? As a BJJ student?

Believe it or not, it’s all the same. Empowering. I can’t do Hubby’s job for him, but I can make our home a place of respite and peace that empowers him to do the best job he can each day. I can’t force Spawn to learn any faster than he does, but I can empower him to learn the best way for him.

Sigh, yes, even if it involves…zombies.

I can’t do your grappling for you, but I can be here to inspire you to get your tail in the dojo.

Something To Take Away

I am a Work In Progress. We all are. We have to battle this entropy thing until we die, so what are some tips to keep life simpler? I’ll give a few and maybe we’ll expound later.

No Meddling!!!!

We all have family and friends who seem to collect disaster faster than black pants gather cat fur. BE UNAVAILABLE. I can’t even measure the time I’ve wasted trying to solve other people’s problems when they weren’t interested in solving it themselves.

You know who I’m talking about. The people who cry and wail and want advice…and then do what they were going to do anyway and then it BLOWS UP and they need help?

No. JUST SAY NO. Back away. This is just never going to end well. Do BJJ instead. Better results 😀 .

When we meddle, we are NOT HELPING. We’re stealing this person’s power. We are stealing the lesson failure provides as well as the feeling of victory they will have by solving their own problems.

And, because most of us stink at priorities and think everything is an emergency, it is likely those around you do as well. So while they’re screaming FIRE!

…it isn’t.

Put down the firehouse and back away.

Take a Day Off

Sunday is my day of rest. Period. I’ve actually only fired a couple of people, but one? She couldn’t follow instructions. Every Sunday she was e-mailing and calling and wanting to talk business despite many times being told DO NOT CONTACT ON SUNDAY. Everything was a priority!

Failure to prepare on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Rest is WORK

In fact, rest is the hardest work we will ever do because we live in a world that frowns upon it. We’re supposed to be doing a zillion things all at once 24/7 and be available all hours all days. And then others wonder why quality suffers.

We have no problems putting gas in our car, plugging in our phones or laptops into a power outlet. Why are we last on the list? We need JUICE, TOO. Recharge and stop running on 3% battery.

Just so y’all know, I have one finger pointed at you and the rest pointed at ME. Lately, I’m learning to say no, turning off phone, do less meddling and more Jiu Jitsu. Oh, and take more power naps. I NEED for my brain to just chillax.

So remember, when EVERYTHING is important? NOTHING is. We hope you join us here at Gracie Barra Mansfield. BJJ is a fabulous way to learn to relax and breathe and learn to let GO!

~Dojo Diva

August 1, 2015
Gracie Jiu Jitsu—Excellence is a Habit

Gracie Barra Mansfield believes in Jiu Jitsu for everyone and Jiu Jitsu FOR LIFE. Why life? Because Jiu Jitsu is far more than grappling. It goes beyond fitness for the body and it creates fitness of mind, will and character. Why Jiu Jitsu is relevant for ALL ages is we all are fighting the same battles from a different vantage point.

Battles against culture and against SELF.

We live in a world of “viral success” “instant fame” “easy money” “NO RISK” but that’s not reality. It’s a lie.

For our young people, what will become the foundation of their character? For those of us who are older, do we need foundation repair because we grew up with poor examples? We’re all concrete and no rebar. Our parents made excuses and took shortcuts so we learned to do the same. Maybe we DID have good examples, but we need some reinforcing because the world and all its junk has eroded our resolve.

BJJ is one of the best places to learn and develop solid character. Excellence is not an event. It is a habit.

As a writer, I’ve noticed that many of the mega authors I work with have a common thread. Almost ALL of them come from professions that instilled in them the ability to delay gratification. They learned to give up what they wanted NOW for what they wanted MOST.

Tess Gerritson was a medical examiner. James Rollins was a veterinarian. Grisham was a lawyer. We see Navy SEALS, Special Forces, triathletes and marathoners all through the upper echelons of publishing.

As a writing teacher I get a lot of newbies who all want to be a New York Times Best-Selling Author with the very first thing they write. They mistake talent for skill. They fail to understand that talent is natural but it isn’t anything all that remarkable.

Talent is nothing if it isn’t paired with skill.

Skill is only something we can earn with blood and sweat and pain. We can’t earn skill on the sidelines, only on the mats. Hammering on our will, our mind, our abilities day after day after day.

Skill only comes with failure.

Skill only comes with getting back up knowing we could fail again. Skill only comes when we appreciate that if we aren’t failing, we aren’t doing anything interesting. Skill eventually rises out of the ashes of our failures because we have made all the wrong moves and so we begin to recognize the right ones.

Skill comes from reaching out to those who are better, wiser and asking for help. Skill comes from humility.

People who dare to great things appreciate this. They willingly subject themselves to being tested day after day. I love BJJ because no one is handed a black belt. BJJ reminds me every day that I can get up again. Do it better. Learn. Try harder.

I voluntarily offer myself to the fire.

For my son, he is learning to have a healthy relationship with failure. He is learning there ARE NO SHORTCUTS to authentic success. He’s learning patience, tenacity, and to be positively absolutely RELENTLESS. What he learns on the mats he can take into life.

For me, I am learning the only limits I have are those I have set in my mind. Limits are like fear. They are illusions. Yes, I am 41 but I only grow old when I think old. Every day I take what I learn on the mats into MY life.

Writing is a brutal profession. We have a 93% failure rate. Being self-employed means I AM THE RAINMAKER. I have to be self-disciplined, self-motivated and self-correcting.

Just like Professor Young is NOT going to come to my house and fire me if I don’t come to class, there is no “boss” that will fire me because I didn’t blog or I didn’t research or I didn’t write the next book.

I have to set my own deadlines. Yes, life happens. We get sick or emergencies happen. Things go sideways, but then we correct. Get back on track. Most people I’ve met in my career will never be successful simply because they failed to master THEMSELVES. If life detours them, they sit in the road and complain instead of making a path back.

Jiu Jitsu teaches us there is no victory without sacrifice. There is no luck we don’t make for ourselves. The harder we work, the luckier we get. Keep going. Keep pressing. Nothing great happens in the comfort zone.

Your enemy isn’t the other guy on the mats. He is your OPPONENT. The enemy is inside of you. Inside of ME.

What we feed is what grows stronger. What we starve grows weak and dies. Why Jiu Jitsu is a part of my life (and my son’s life) is that it feeds the aspects of my character that are essential for success. It feeds determination, hard work, sacrifice and humility. Simultaneously, it STARVES excuses, whining, pride, and laziness.

Yes, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu will get you in shape. It will keep you and your kids healthy. It is fabulous for family, friendships and fun. It also will fire out your darkest, weakest parts and leave only your best self behind. Greatness isn’t a singular moment in the sun. It is an accumulation of many unremarkable and unsung moments in the dark 😉 .

~Dojo Diva

July 21, 2015
TSA Friendly Weapons for the Zombie Apocalypse—Because an Apocalypse is Never Convenient

Dojo Diva has been down for the count with a nasty case of POISON IVY. I fared okay doing Jiu Jitsu with my peeps at Gracie Baarra Jiu Jitsu Mansfield even though I was itchy and my legs looked like I was Patient Zero of the Zombie Apocalypse. My friends were kind enough not to mock me or shrink away. Then last week I went through withdrawal from the steroids and was siiiiick…which meant I spent a lot of time in bed. Which meant I spent a lot of time thinking.

This is bad juju.

My head is a strange place to be. I decided I needed a vacation but I have these strange fears that go with taking any break away from home.

Kristen’s Top Three Irrational Traveling Fears

1) The ONE time I don’t leave my home clean enough to perform open heart surgery will, of course, be the trip where I die in a fiery crash. Thus, as a good luck talisman of sorts, I have this compulsive need to make sure every stitch of dirty laundry is clean and put away. It’s my psychotic-and-pretty-much-fully-delusional-insurance against plane crashes.

2) If I wear cute, impractical shoes, the plane will have to make an emergency landing in some desert and then I will have to hump it out of Death Valley in those Betsey Johnson Iron-Maidens-for-the-Feet. In my mind I die not because I didn’t have a way out, but because I foolishly chose fashion over function.

We miss dear Kristen, but she left this world looking ADORABLE!

3) The Zombie Apocalypse will strike when I am away.

Every single trip, I have the same fear (I blame this on being a Gen-Xer). All I can think is, Gee, I hope the Zombie Apocalypse doesn’t start when I’m away from Hubby, Spawn and all the guns. I know normal people don’t think things like this, but I’m a writer and so the Normal Ship left a LONG time ago without me on board.

Ya dig?

And everyone should be prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse anyway. I mean we take Jiu Jitsu ~~to be fit~~ ~~have fun~~ ~~make friends~~ ~~learn self-defense~~ to be totally bad@$$ during the apocalypse.

Hey, I am not judging. I think it is smart! If one of the undead tries to bite your face off, that omoplata will TOTALLY be a game changer. If a horde of brainless freaks hit the streets of your town, you will be thinking, I didn’t know the presidential campaign was coming HERE.

Ooops. Inside words stay inside.

Zombies don’t like politicians anyway. They’re empty calories.

Where was I? Oh, yes. You will be thankful that ~~weirdos~~ people like me thought this stuff through because it is impossible for me to travel without thinking of the Doomsday Zombie Separated from Home Scenario.

Am I wrong to be a little freaked out when leaving home? In Texas, I HAVE a plan.

***Granted, I have no plan for flood, tornado or fire, but Z-Day? Our survival plan is tighter than Kim Kardashian’s Spanx.

We have weapons, ammo, a fallback point and lots of GF food. We can also raid the burned out shells of Central Market, Sprouts and Trader Joe’s as we flee to the ranch. But to leave out of town? I can’t bring nail clippers on a plane, so this presents a new challenge.

This is what always happens in the movies. The hero leaves for some innocuous business trip, and that is precisely the moment that some corporation trying to create a new kind of permanent Botox screws up. Then the protagonist is in for a cross-country zombie-fest with only the hope of being reunited with loved ones to cling to.

YES, I do have an overactive imagination. It is why it was better I become a writer than an accountant.

I am a really odd duck. Yes, that’s a nice “shocked face.” Thank you for being polite. No, seriously. I think these things through. I am the person who gives SAS Survival Guides and Jiu Jitsu lessons as Christmas gifts.

But I am in a bit of a conundrum since the terrorists ruined travel FOREVER. What can I pack in case of the Zombie Apocalypse?

The people in the movies are never prepared, which is why I am then required to shout expletives at the screen to make-believe people who can’t even hear me.

Anyway, since my life is not a movie…yet :D…I’ve had to get creative. Here are my Top 5 TSA-Friendly Zombie-Killing Weapons. Make it through airport security and rest assured that you will be prepared should the Zombie Apocalypse strike when you are on vacation or business travel, because you just know that an apocalypse never strikes at a convenient time *rolls eyes*. I think AAA and the airlines should give these kinds of travel tips, stuff we can actually use.

Top Five TSA-Friendly Zombie-Killing Weapons for the Apocalypse

1. Justin Bieber CDs

Being attacked by a horde of brainless freaks? Play some Justin Bieber and they are guaranteed to start dancing and crying and believing that Justin like seriously like looked right at them! SQUEEEEEEE! This method is guaranteed not only to distract the zombies, but it might even attract some Justin Bieber fans to give the zombies a snack so they aren’t busy chasing you.

The TSA isn’t crazy about Justin Bieber CDs, but they aren’t yet officially listed as weapons of terror.

Yet.

2. Cheap Hairspray

I would go for the industrial size can if you check a bag, but also at least 40 bottles of the travel size. They are under 2.5 ounces, so the TSA can’t exactly stop you, and if you wear big Texas hair they might not even bat an eye.

Hairspray, of course, is easy to make into a flamethrower, and also to do your hair. Duh.

Everyone has camera phones these days so it is a pretty safe bet that people will be taking pictures of the Zombie Apocalypse. And on any footage captured? Naturally, you want to be looking your best while triangle choking one of the undead.

3. Bubble Wrap

To the TSA, bubble wrap just looks like you are OCD about packing your stuff and making sure it doesn’t get jacked up. What they don’t realize is bubble wrap can serve as a Zombie Early Warning System. Scaling fences and cars running from mindless monsters can be tiring, so you need to get your rest. Just use the bubble wrap to form a perimeter. When they step on it? The noise can wake you up and then, when they are distracted playing with the bubble wrap–because, seriously who can resist freaking BUBBLE WRAP?—you can bust cap in their @$$. Not exactly a weapon, but the zombies end up dead–er, so who cares? Close enough.

4. Lady Gaga Meat Dress

It’s like a Ghillie Suit for slaying zombies. Just make sure you wrap this in the bubble wrap to keep it from leaking on your other stuff. And I might advise freezing your meat dress.

Not only will freezing your meat dress keep it fresh for the flight, but wearing freezing cold meat can a) help you stay cool while running for your life b) serve as a cold compress for any injuries you might sustain c) makes excellent body armor d) will keep anyone of the opposite sex from remotely hitting on you, thus preventing the sexual distraction that normally comes before a zombie rips your skull open e) can be used as food until it get’s that greenish slimy look f) but once it does get green, slimy and stinky, you will fit right in with the zombies, thus the Lady GaGa meat dress becomes the perfect zombie camouflage.

The downside is the zombies might not eat you, but you could die of e-coli, so make sure to fully cook your meat dress before consumption

The TSA might be iffy on this one. I know we can’t transport produce across state lines, but no one at the airlines would answer my questions about the meat dress. And now my phone is clicking. I think it’s been tapped.

5. A Bag Full of Legos

Need to trip up a pursuer? Toss a bag of Legos on the stairs and listen for the scream. To the TSA agent, you look like a loving family member bringing a child a toy, but little do they know Legos have a dark side and sharp edges.

Well, those are the Top Five TSA-Friendly Zombie-Killing Weapons. Any TSA friendly weapons you would like to add? I’d love some additional suggestions to add to the bag.

Do you have weird travel rituals? Do you have a fear of dying and loved ones finding your house a mess? Why would we care anyway?

July 6, 2015
Summer Travel Tips for a SAFE and SANE Vacation

We are heading into Fourth of July Weekend! *happy dance* We at Gracie Barra Mansfield, Texas want you to have a safe and relaxing summer and we hope it is memorable for the right reasons. I’ve been blessed to do a LOT of traveling for fun and for work. Some trips were fantastic and others? Very close to being an episode of “Locked Up Abroad.”

I could tell some stories!

Not only am I going to give you just some general tips to make traveling easier, but then we will talk about ways to be SAFE.

Some General “Make-Life-Easier” Tips

Arrive 90 Minutes Early for Your Flight (~~TWO~~ THREE HOURS for ANYTHING International)

Yes, I used to be one of those people running practically onto the tarmac yelling, “Don’t shut the door!” Those days are OVER. The airports now have a labyrinth of security we have to maneuver and on top of that the airlines have fewer planes in the air, which means almost all flights are overbooked and if we miss our flight?

Expect to get routed through Katmandu to get there (and that is if they can even GET you a connection). Missing a flight is a NIGHTMARE, so get there EARLY.

You need that extra time. Summertime is heavy for travel because not only do we have all those business people who already fly year-round, we also get the influx of those going on vacation. So, this means there are a lot of people.

Because this is the time of year that people who are not seasoned travelers fly, it slows things down. These are the people who have lived in a cave and don’t know that they need to pack all toiletries in ONE QUART-SIZED BAG. They also never heard of the shoe-bomber and probably wore something super-complicated with LACES…and buckles.

This means we have to give plenty of buffer for getting through security. Better to have and not need than to need and not have.

You might not get stuck behind the large family who all wants to bring a Big Gulp on board and not take off their shoes, but?

You might. Just plan for it.

Carry-On is Our FRIEND

When I fly domestically I NEVER check luggage, EVER. It is too easy for it to get lost, especially if there is a connection involved. But, if you DO need more stuff than what can fit in a carry-on, that’s fine but pack a change of clothes, medications and toiletries (ESSENTIALS) in the carry-on. This way, if your luggage takes a separate vacation, you are okay until the airport wrangles it back to you.

You DO NOT want to be in a resort location and have to buy essentials. It might require a small business loan. And don’t you want to spend your money on something FUN like a monkey made of coconuts instead of shaving cream?

Our Backup Plan Needs a Backup Plan

Photocopy all IDs, car rental agreements and credit cards and then keep them in the safe at your hotel. I was once in LA and lost my wallet with all my ID and my credit cards, but because I had photocopies, it was easier to get the cards frozen and I could make my case to the TSA WHY I didn’t have my driver’s license. Yes, I had to go through a ton of additional security layers to prove I was ME, but having a photocopy of my license minimized the drama.

Now the SAFETY Part. Safety is what what we at Gracie Barra Mansfield DO.

There are the obvious things we can do to stay safe. When traveling in a crowded location, wear something BRIGHT to make it easier to keep up with one another. Have a rally point established in case the group gets separated. Don’t flash around a bunch of cash and carry valuables in a travel wallet that is close to your person.

Some of the less obvious tips.

ONLY Use Resort-Approved Transportation

This is advice that really applies to traveling abroad. Once we leave the US, we are NOT in the US anymore. And while that sounds laughable, the news is always full of stories of naive tourists who became victims. Places like Jamaica and Mexico are beautiful destinations, but they also have a very dark underworld and Americans are prime prey for extortion and abductions so it is our job to not be a target.

Resorts WANT to maintain a sound reputation. It is how they MAKE MONEY. I know it might cost more to use an approved taxi, but it is way cheaper than being ransomed out of Central America.

When I was in Jamaica, taxi drivers running cheap island tours would take unwitting tourists all the way to the other side of the island and then demand thousands of dollars to take them BACK to the ship. They ran these types of scams constantly and continued to MAKE MONEY DOING THIS because tourists would try to save some cash and ignore this advice.

BE CAREFUL OF PHOTO-OPS

There are some destinations where one might see people dressed in character wandering around to make for memorable photos. If you happen to be in Boston, Massachusetts I am not really worried about getting a picture with “Ben Franklin” just pay attention to your valuables.

But there are destinations like the Coliseum in Rome, Italy where you will encounter Roman Centurions roaming around for a photo op. What many tourists don’t realize (until it is too late) is that many of these folks are pickpockets or scam artists. So enjoy, but be careful. Whenever we let strangers in our personal space, we should be extra vigilant.

Situational Awareness

One of the reasons tourists make for excellent targets is they get so caught up in taking selfies and pictures and gaping at the sights that they aren’t being aware of their surroundings. Pay attention.

Stay in the Popular Tourist Areas and Stick to the TOUR

We all want to venture off the beaten path, but this can be very dangerous. In some places, we just don’t want to wander into that back alley where we are a good target to be robbed or abducted. Remember, we are not locals so we don’t know when we are meandering into a bad part of town.

Additionally, there is a reason that wildlife tours stick to a certain path and there is a REASON they have trained guides. We underestimate nature at our own peril.

There was a story of a couple from Dallas who took a tram ride up to the top of the San Jacinto Mountain and then decided to take a stroll away from the well-traveled area with a gift shop. Even though they saw hikers and climbers in full gear, they believed they could go hiking around “for fun.” What began as a quick jaunt off the path turned into being stranded alone in the desert with no food or water or wilderness training. And they nearly DIED.

Do NOT Volunteer That You Are An American

Whether we like it or not, this is a scary world in some scary times. Americans are premium targets. Most of the time, it is pretty clear we are an American, but we should try to keep things low-key. As a novelist, my books involve Mexican and South American drug cartels and that is some SCARY stuff. Cartels are known for preying on tourists and they have a special taste for “Americans”, so just be aware…and tell them you’re Canadian 😉 .

Seriously. Strangers don’t need to know THAT much about us.

I’d say I am sorry if any of this frightens you, but I’m not sorry. The world is fabulous and beautiful, but we need to respect it is also dangerous. Whenever we vacation we are in an unknown and we are vulnerable. Our job is to stay frosty and limit the opportunities for the bad guys to do us harm.

Enjoy your vacation. Get some R&R and then join us here at Gracie Barra to work off those frozen beverages from that all-inclusive resort 😀 .

Stay smart and stay safe!

~Dojo Diva

July 1, 2015
The Grace in “Gracie” and Training to Be PEACEFUL

Dojo Diva here to talk more on the Gracie State of Mind. At Gracie-Barra Mansfield, we love serving the DFW community, but through this blog, we can do more. We can share what it means to practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, how it goes way beyond becoming a lean, mean fighting machine.

One thing I have been learning a lot about is the “Grace” part of “Gracie.” I have been working hard for over a year to get my blue belt. I was doing great and then got SHINGLES. Ugh. I had to take time off. Then I got started AGAIN and have been going strong since January. Then, last Friday? I was in the Urgent Care.

Poison Ivy. *head desk*

Just about the time I felt I was getting some SERIOUS momentum? I had to take off Saturday and might take off another night… and I am struggling NOT to have a panic attack.

Will I be okay? Will I forget all I know? Will they remember who I am? Will I lose my will to get my blue belt?

*twitch* *twitch*

But I think I am doing better with giving myself more grace. I know that persistence prevails when all else fails. Often it is when we rest, when we cease to stop fighting, that we begin to see real improvement.

More is not always better.

For instance, when I first joined Jiu Jitsu, I used to power through everything. It didn’t take long until I was winded and soaked in sweat…and caught in an arm bar.

WHAT? HOW did THAT happen?

I was going too fast, pressing too hard. I wasn’t pacing myself. I couldn’t understand why the upper belts just kept shaking their heads and telling me that I was “working too hard.”

Of course I am working hard, because this is AMERICA and hard work eventually pays off!

Commies…

Then, last week something changed. Suddenly, I was fine. I was cool, even. I moved with ease and relatively slowly. I stopped to think before making a move…and I was UNSTOPPABLE. When I relaxed and didn’t “try so hard” I actually did a lot better.

But I keep having the same lessons over and over. Giving myself grace. I don’t have to be busy ALL THE TIME. Faster is not better. Working harder isn’t working smarter. It is OKAY to slow down. Taking a day or two off won’t derail EVERYTHING.

So, enjoy the summer vacation. Float in a pool. Get off the phone. No, we don’t have to multi-task every waking second. We CAN actually just BE. We are human BEINGS not human DOINGS.

Be smart and be safe!

Dojo Diva

June 22, 2015
Social Media Self Defense

Image via Tumblr

At Gracie Barra Mansfield, our goal is to reach out beyond the mats and serve our DFW community by teaching ways to stay safe. Yes, I (Kristen Lamb) am the self-professed Dojo Diva. While I am not YET a black belt in Jiu Jitsu, I am a trained social media ninja. I’ve written three #1 best-selling books on the topic and been teaching how to use social media since MYSPACE was cool.

One crucial area I teach? SAFETY. The internet is crawling with predators and we have to be wise how we handle our on-line interactions so they don’t turn into real-life disasters.

I teach Operational Security—Know your adversary and deny him access.

When sitting in our PJs scrolling Facebook, it is easy to fall into a false sense of security. But BEWARE, there are real life big bad wolves posing as Grandma (sometimes literally). Today, we will cover some tips to make sure on-line fun remains FUN.

NEVER Report Your Whereabouts on Social Media

There is no reason to be specific about where you live in your profile, especially if you live in a small community like Rendon or Kennedale. My on-line profiles all say “Dallas, TX” or “DFW, TX.” People who KNOW me, know where I live.

If you are going on vacation? Keep it to yourself until you return. Then feel free to post all your pics of the fun family vacation AFTER the fact. I can’t count HOW many times I have seen tweets or status updates with a pic of the family at the airport and a line that says, “FINALLY! We are off for our week vacation in Tumbuktu.”

And all I can think is, “Good job. You just let every potential burglar know your house is probably empty.”

Also, just because social media lets us “check in” and businesses encourage this doesn’t mean it is a good idea. First of all, it lets strangers know our precise location. This is great information for a potential attacker to lie in wait and a great way to get ambushed. Other people don’t need to know THAT much.

It’s none of their business.

DO NOT CHECK IN FRIENDS

I’ve been out with people who like to “check in” on Facebook and tell the world they are WITH ME at “XYZ BBQ” in Arlington, TEXAS. Well, that is great except, what if I am a female with an abusive ex who I am hiding from?

Thanks for getting me jumped in the parking lot.

If that person wants to advertise their house for a home invasion, go ahead, but please leave me out of it.

We don’t want to be “that” friend.

Don’t Post Pictures of Your Home with Identifiable Landmarks

Hey, after all that rain? I was PROUD of the work I did in my garden. My wisteria resembled that plant creature from Little Shop of Horrors and was trying to eat my house. Of course I took Before and After pictures. BUT, I was careful to not include the sign on my garage with my street address. I take great pains to always shoot from angles that don’t give away vital information.

Get a new car and want to share? Go ahead. Just take a pic that doesn’t show the license plate number or use a photo tool and blur or pixilate it out.

Monikers are Great for Kids

Some people get all weird and never want to post pics of their kids ever or talk about their kids or even let the world know they HAVE kids. And that is your call. But, I post pics of my kiddo and his on-line following rivals my own. But the world at large knows him as The Spawn. Unless people know us, like FOR REAL know us? They don’t know his real name.

Meet The Spawn

Putting our kids’ given names on social media just gives a way for predators to be able to approach a child BY NAME and that can go badly. Just use that nickname and refer to The Squirrel, The Bean, Peanut, whatever.

DO NOT GIVE YOUR BIRTHDAY

Identity thieves LOVE getting a hold of a birthdate. Just because Facebook has a space to fill in our birthdate doesn’t mean we need to go along like sheep. Either leave it blank or put in a date that is close enough for government work. Again, real friends will know your birthday.

These are just good habits for being safe on-line. Even if we have a locked down page and ONLY friends and family members “know” us? Still follow these tips. Hackers and phishers compromise accounts all the time. Just because we think that’s Grandma doesn’t mean a Wolf didn’t “eat” her profile and put on her clothes.

Predators thrive off information and they pay attention for weakness. DENY THEM ACCESS.

Stay smart, stay calm and stay safe!

~Dojo Diva

June 15, 2015