Gracie Barra Mansfield | Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

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Summer Travel Tips for a SAFE and SANE Vacation

We are heading into Fourth of July Weekend! *happy dance* We at Gracie Barra Mansfield, Texas want you to have a safe and relaxing summer and we hope it is memorable for the right reasons. I’ve been blessed to do a LOT of traveling for fun and for work. Some trips were fantastic and others? Very close to being an episode of “Locked Up Abroad.”

I could tell some stories!

Not only am I going to give you just some general tips to make traveling easier, but then we will talk about ways to be SAFE.

Some General “Make-Life-Easier” Tips

Arrive 90 Minutes Early for Your Flight (~~TWO~~ THREE HOURS for ANYTHING International)

Yes, I used to be one of those people running practically onto the tarmac yelling, “Don’t shut the door!” Those days are OVER. The airports now have a labyrinth of security we have to maneuver and on top of that the airlines have fewer planes in the air, which means almost all flights are overbooked and if we miss our flight?

Expect to get routed through Katmandu to get there (and that is if they can even GET you a connection). Missing a flight is a NIGHTMARE, so get there EARLY.

You need that extra time. Summertime is heavy for travel because not only do we have all those business people who already fly year-round, we also get the influx of those going on vacation. So, this means there are a lot of people.

Because this is the time of year that people who are not seasoned travelers fly, it slows things down. These are the people who have lived in a cave and don’t know that they need to pack all toiletries in ONE QUART-SIZED BAG. They also never heard of the shoe-bomber and probably wore something super-complicated with LACES…and buckles.

This means we have to give plenty of buffer for getting through security. Better to have and not need than to need and not have.

You might not get stuck behind the large family who all wants to bring a Big Gulp on board and not take off their shoes, but?

You might. Just plan for it.

Carry-On is Our FRIEND

When I fly domestically I NEVER check luggage, EVER. It is too easy for it to get lost, especially if there is a connection involved. But, if you DO need more stuff than what can fit in a carry-on, that’s fine but pack a change of clothes, medications and toiletries (ESSENTIALS) in the carry-on. This way, if your luggage takes a separate vacation, you are okay until the airport wrangles it back to you.

You DO NOT want to be in a resort location and have to buy essentials. It might require a small business loan. And don’t you want to spend your money on something FUN like a monkey made of coconuts instead of shaving cream?

Our Backup Plan Needs a Backup Plan

Photocopy all IDs, car rental agreements and credit cards and then keep them in the safe at your hotel. I was once in LA and lost my wallet with all my ID and my credit cards, but because I had photocopies, it was easier to get the cards frozen and I could make my case to the TSA WHY I didn’t have my driver’s license. Yes, I had to go through a ton of additional security layers to prove I was ME, but having a photocopy of my license minimized the drama.

Now the SAFETY Part. Safety is what what we at Gracie Barra Mansfield DO.

There are the obvious things we can do to stay safe. When traveling in a crowded location, wear something BRIGHT to make it easier to keep up with one another. Have a rally point established in case the group gets separated. Don’t flash around a bunch of cash and carry valuables in a travel wallet that is close to your person.

Some of the less obvious tips.

ONLY Use Resort-Approved Transportation

This is advice that really applies to traveling abroad. Once we leave the US, we are NOT in the US anymore. And while that sounds laughable, the news is always full of stories of naive tourists who became victims. Places like Jamaica and Mexico are beautiful destinations, but they also have a very dark underworld and Americans are prime prey for extortion and abductions so it is our job to not be a target.

Resorts WANT to maintain a sound reputation. It is how they MAKE MONEY. I know it might cost more to use an approved taxi, but it is way cheaper than being ransomed out of Central America.

When I was in Jamaica, taxi drivers running cheap island tours would take unwitting tourists all the way to the other side of the island and then demand thousands of dollars to take them BACK to the ship. They ran these types of scams constantly and continued to MAKE MONEY DOING THIS because tourists would try to save some cash and ignore this advice.

BE CAREFUL OF PHOTO-OPS

There are some destinations where one might see people dressed in character wandering around to make for memorable photos. If you happen to be in Boston, Massachusetts I am not really worried about getting a picture with “Ben Franklin” just pay attention to your valuables.

But there are destinations like the Coliseum in Rome, Italy where you will encounter Roman Centurions roaming around for a photo op. What many tourists don’t realize (until it is too late) is that many of these folks are pickpockets or scam artists. So enjoy, but be careful. Whenever we let strangers in our personal space, we should be extra vigilant.

Situational Awareness

One of the reasons tourists make for excellent targets is they get so caught up in taking selfies and pictures and gaping at the sights that they aren’t being aware of their surroundings. Pay attention.

Stay in the Popular Tourist Areas and Stick to the TOUR

We all want to venture off the beaten path, but this can be very dangerous. In some places, we just don’t want to wander into that back alley where we are a good target to be robbed or abducted. Remember, we are not locals so we don’t know when we are meandering into a bad part of town.

Additionally, there is a reason that wildlife tours stick to a certain path and there is a REASON they have trained guides. We underestimate nature at our own peril.

There was a story of a couple from Dallas who took a tram ride up to the top of the San Jacinto Mountain and then decided to take a stroll away from the well-traveled area with a gift shop. Even though they saw hikers and climbers in full gear, they believed they could go hiking around “for fun.” What began as a quick jaunt off the path turned into being stranded alone in the desert with no food or water or wilderness training. And they nearly DIED.

Do NOT Volunteer That You Are An American

Whether we like it or not, this is a scary world in some scary times. Americans are premium targets. Most of the time, it is pretty clear we are an American, but we should try to keep things low-key. As a novelist, my books involve Mexican and South American drug cartels and that is some SCARY stuff. Cartels are known for preying on tourists and they have a special taste for “Americans”, so just be aware…and tell them you’re Canadian 😉 .

Seriously. Strangers don’t need to know THAT much about us.

I’d say I am sorry if any of this frightens you, but I’m not sorry. The world is fabulous and beautiful, but we need to respect it is also dangerous. Whenever we vacation we are in an unknown and we are vulnerable. Our job is to stay frosty and limit the opportunities for the bad guys to do us harm.

Enjoy your vacation. Get some R&R and then join us here at Gracie Barra to work off those frozen beverages from that all-inclusive resort 😀 .

Stay smart and stay safe!

~Dojo Diva

July 1, 2015
Gracie Barra Mansfield

June 11, 2015
Gracie Barra Mansfield—Where Boys Can Be Boys

Gracie-Barra Mansfield is a fabulous place to learn, grow and make lasting friendships. We are a dojo for the WHOLE family, so if you are in the Arlington, TX area, come by for a visit! We are offering an entire month for FREE.

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is called “the gentle martial art” because it is a form that can be practiced for a lifetime. It is well-suited for small children and is an art they can carry into the later years of life. Spawn (my five-year-old-son) and I practice BJJ together.

Though BJJ has been beneficial for both of us, I am really seeing what a difference it is making in him. Spawn is a great kid, but he was in a terrible accident when he was only a little over two. He pulled a heavy bar stool over on his face and knocked his four front teeth up into the maxilla (upper jaw bone). $20,000 worth of maxo-faxial surgery later, we took home our wee baby Bat Boy.

On top of having the missing teeth, Spawn is unusually tall for his age. His father is 6′ 6″. So between the missing teeth and the height, people (adults and kids) would assume he was far older than he really was. Thus, they didn’t understand why this GROWN kid was in Pull-Ups. They didn’t “get” that who they thought was a FIVE year-old was only three. That he wasn’t talking a lot and not fully potty trained because he was STILL a TODDLER.

I ran interference as much as I could, but kids and even adults can be cruel, sometimes not intentionally. By the next year, a child who smiled NON-STOP hid his face. I have very few pictures of him when he is not SLEEPING because the accident had taken a toll on his self-esteem. Then, we had trouble with the preschool he’d been in most of his life and I decided to homeschool.

I detail what led up to that in my post Common Core and Vegan Zombies.

I will admit that not all public schools are the same, but there is a lot of research that shows our culture is becoming increasingly anti-boy. While girls are now thriving in school, boys are struggling.

Our modern educational design has shifted to being more sedentary, collaborative, risk-averse, and feelings-focused which favors girls. Meanwhile, boys tend to be the casualties of the ever-increasing Zero-Tolerance Policies as well as the criminalization of minor offenses. Recess is disappearing and natural “boy behavior” is being medicalized and medicated, demonized and punished.

Boys are naturally more rambunctious. They play aggressively (think bear cubs) and can be inattentive, especially at younger ages. In my opinion, the current model of education is outdated. Our educational system was created as a result of the Industrial Revolution. It was funded and canonized in order to provide future generations of good factory workers. We were a nation of manufacturing and we NEEDED people who could sit still and focus on a singular task all…day…long.

These days, the US is no longer a center for manufacturing. That has moved to developing countries. Most jobs require an insane amount of multi-tasking, which (in my mind) favors those of us wired to be more A.D.D.

But that’s another blog 😀 .

And all of my socio-political arguments aside, I think most of us would at least confess that kids are expected to sit still and pay attention for far too long and then face punishment when they don’t (or can’t) comply to an unreasonable about of sedentariness.

We are blessed to live in Mansfield. I am working with the schools now and I don’t know if I will send Spawn off to Kindergarden this year now that he is old enough. I know Mansfield has an outstanding reputation so that does mitigate a lot of my worries. But, even in GREAT school systems like ours, I think we as parents can help our kids (especially our BOYS) thrive by adding in BOY-FRIENDLY activities.

I help teach the kid’s class and it is ALWAYS AWESOME to see a class filled with little girls. I grew up being the ONLY female taking martial arts and it is super cool to see these girls starting so young. But what is even COOLER for me as the mother of a son, is to have a place where Spawn is rewarded for being a BOY. Wrestling and giggling and tackling are GOOD and even rewarded.

It’s been wonderful to see my boy go from being shy and afraid to talk to people to all smiles and giggles. He LOVES BJJ and loves the kids there. Since he is engaging more, his speech is improving. I am seeing him interested in far more things because he’s gotten back that spark of bravery that the accident had almost snuffed out.

At Gracie Barra Mansfield, boys can be boys in a safe environment where boy behavior is a GOOD thing and is channeled in healthy and productive ways. It is a wonderful blend of discipline and flexibility.

I look forward to seeing you in class and BRING ON THE BOYZ!!!

What are your thoughts? Are you the parent of a boy? Do you find yourself having to add in extra “boy-friendly activities”?

Stay smart, stay calm and stay SAFE!

~Dojo Diva

June 8, 2015
Girls, Gals and Grandmas—Why EVERY Female NEEDS Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

I was hesitant to write about self-defense because I am only Bruce Lee in my own mind. I’ve been studying BJJ for about eight months, which means I’m a three-stripe white belt (in BJJ you are a white belt for a minimum of a year). I do have some skills, but I am far from being an expert. In fact, the only thing I am REALLY useful for is my body being used to clean the mats like a human Swiffer. Spray me with Endust and then partner me with a blue belt…

So what would someone like ME have to say about self-defense?

Actually, after chatting with Professor Young, more than I realized. I’ve been reading a lot of great Jiu Jitsu blogs and it’s easy to become intimidated. There is some fabulous advice from generous upper belts, but I think we can get some faulty thinking if we aren’t careful.

See, the beauty of any martial arts, but ESPECIALLY Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, is you don’t have to know a lot to know. . .A LOT. There are some basic things we learn very early that can do a lot to keep us safe and fend off most attackers. In my opinion, BJJ is the BEST form of martial arts for females and every female should take at least some classes.

Seriously, Moms. Take a class and bring your daughters. Bring your MOM. BJJ is for all ages and you don’t have to be in ninja form to learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Thing is, our society can be kind of weird. We have drills for all kinds of things. We run through all kinds of plans and safety training. Get on ANY plane and the flight attendant will train all of us how to put on a seatbelt. OH-kaaayyy. So THAT’S how I do it! They will point out emergency exits and explain what will happen should trouble arise.

Why?

Because this drill, silly as it seems, prepares us. We don’t want to wait until the plane is going down to think about what could be used as a flotation device.

We do fire drills at schools and workplaces. We do tornado drills. We drill and practice a speech. We practice our answers for a job interview. We might even rehearse what we are going to say and do on a first date or when confronting Aunt Lulu about her tuna loaf. We war-game how we are going to say NO to sewing bumblebee costumes for the entire Kindergarden class.

We rehearse and drill all kinds of things with our KIDS. What to do if lost in a mall. What to do if a stranger asks for help searching for a pet.

If you are like our family, you even plan what you would do in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse.

But how much training are we doing for an event that happens every minute of every day to someone? How prepared are we for when someone lunges for our purse or tackles us for a sexual assault? How many teenage girls have an emergency preparedness plan for when for a nice normal date suddenly turns ugly? For a guy pinning her to the ground and who won’t respect the word NO?

How many times have we run through those scenarios so that if (GOD FORBID) it happens? We know what to do.

I’m going to give you a peek into the predator’s mind. The ONE thing most attackers are counting on is that we will panic. That we won’t know what to do. That they can grab us or tackle us or choke us and our minds are going to go a big fat BLANK. They are COUNTING ON that small expanse of panic so they can easily escalate the attack into something life-changing or life-ending.

When they DO attack a person who’s prepared? A whole other ending, and one that is NOT good for the predator. When we fight back, when we are prepared? That is often when it’s the predator’s turn to panic.

For instance, this ADORABLE rabbit…chasing a snake up a tree. Bet the snake hadn’t planned on that…

So. Can even a HANDFUL of classes help? YES. Overwhelmingly YES. Why?

BJJ Prepares the Mind and the Body for a Fight

I find it funny that people believe that because I train in martial arts, I therefore must want to be in a fight. NOOOOOOO. I am a lover, not a fighter. The best way to win a fight? AVOID a fight. But in life, sometimes stuff happens and we need to be ready.

Thing is, it is pretty shocking the first time you get hit. Since many people have never been hit, pinned or choked, they panic when it happens. Their minds go blank and panic sets in and panic can get us hurt or killed.

In BJJ we don’t do much punching and kicking, but we do train to be ready for someone who wants to punch and kick. . . or choke or tackle us to the ground. This means we can experience the moves and feel of a fight (an attack) in a safe environment so if that time should ever come? We are ready and we don’t think, don’t panic, we simply ACT.

This is actually the second time I have taken Jiu Jitsu. I started in waaaay back in the mid 90s when it was a new and unheard of sport. I recall doing a drill for getting free from a rear choke. And I did my thing because it was all a fun workout and I really wanted to earn that next belt. I really didn’t give any thought to how I might use this outside of a dojo.

At the time, I was working nights delivering papers to pay my way through college. Part of having a paper route involved selling new subscriptions along your route. My route was comprised of three HUGE apartment complexes.

So one night, I dressed relatively nicely so people would open the door and at least listen to my pitch about why they needed a Fort Worth Star Telegram. I dressed somewhere in between Jehovah’s Witness and possible Kirby Salesperson, so presentable, but not PLEASE ROB ME I AM WEARING DIAMONDS. I had a decent leather briefcase to hold the paperwork and any checks collected.

It was during the time of year it got dark early. As I was making my way through the parking lot, I came across a drunk who started hitting on me and asking about my briefcase. I was polite and firm and kept on my way (this was WAY before cell phones). Anyway, about an hour later, as I was making my way to the next building the guy came out of nowhere for me and used…

A rear choke.

I didn’t even have to think. It was as if I moved of my own accord. I broke the choke, threw the guy and then. . . .beat the SNOT out of him with the very briefcase he was trying to steal. Within two minutes, my small amount of training tuned this 6 foot 3 drunk from predator to prey.

Because I was chasing him to get in another hit (at 5’3″ and 110 pounds). . .

The rabbit and the snake again 😀 .

When I called the cops and they asked for a description, all I could recall was tall white male, drunk, and probably had an impression of my briefcase in his face.

But how badly could that have gone had I not drilled what to do in case of that attack over and over and over? If I had never felt the sensation of being choked? If I’d panicked?

I’ve been in martial arts enough years to witness the kinds of people who sign up (and I’m mainly referring to females here). Two kinds of females take martial arts—those who’ve never been attacked and those who don’t want it to happen ever again.

Prevention is always preferable. Those first seconds of a potential attack are the most critical. So drill for tornadoes and drill for fire escape, and rehearse for what to do in the event of a plane crash, but the odds of us being attacked by another PERSON are far higher than being in a fire, a tornado or a plane crash.

In my opinion, one of the BEST gifts for that high school graduate is a class in BJJ. Bring the kids. Spend a summer together learning and training together. But above all?

Stay smart, stay calm and stay safe 😉 .

~Dojo Diva

May 27, 2015
Want to WIN? Learn to QUIT—BJJ and the Power of Quitting

Dojo Diva here! Happy Monday! Today we are going to talk about QUITTING. Wait? Didn’t we just talk about beginning? YES. But starting and quitting are actually more closely related than one might imagine. To quote the one of the greatest movies ever…

Sometimes the way forward is often the way baaack. ~Labyrinth

Gracie Jiu Jitsu practitioners learn that we never lose, only learn. In the beginning, this can be tough to embrace because pride and ego get in the way. When I started BJJ, I didn’t (obviously) have any skill, but I DID have strength. I also had an ego. When we’d spar (roll) I’d muscle through using power instead of finesse. Problem was, I didn’t want to lose, so I wouldn’t tap out even when it was clear I was beaten with yet another arm bar. I’d hold on and hold on and HOLD ON and MAKE them truly get the arm bar before I would tap out.

Dumb, dumb, dumb-ditty dumb.

I still “lost.” I only delayed “losing” and added a strained elbow or shoulder on top of it.

Finally, I slowed down long enough to listen and decided to try it the “Gracie Way” instead of my own. I slowed down, focused on my breathing and gave up trying to “win” and instead focused on learning. What was I doing or not doing that was leading to me being in a bad spot? I set aside my pride and traded it for allowing myself to be new. Now, the second I feel I goofed up? I tap out, reverse engineer what went wrong and work to correct it.

There are so many things in life we can be powering through and in our fear of “giving up” we lose the larger and more important lesson.

There’s a famous quote that I feel does a LOT of damage if we aren’t careful. “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” Inspiring? YES. Accurate? NO.

I posit that winners actually are expert quitters. They quit things all the time! They quit toxic relationships that are taking time and energy away from their goals. They quit a business plan that’s going nowhere. They quit shopping novels that maybe didn’t turn out as well as planned and they move on to the next book and do better because they can use the experience from the story that went sideways.

I like to say, “Persistence looks a lot like stupid.” The act of never giving up is noble, but never giving up on the wrong things is a formula to fail. We have to learn to detect the difference between quitting a tactic and quitting a dream.

Quitting is very valuable when applied properly.

Quitting Shortens the Learning Curve

When I learned to “quit” in BJJ, I started seeing more clearly what I was doing wrong. I was able to keep going and get more practice because I could stop and ask questions. “Hey, what do I do when I find myself HERE?” And I could use the time as a learning opportunity. Also, I prevented injuries that might have made me have to take off valuable time from Jiu Jitsu.

Quitting Saves Time and Money

In business, quitting can save time, manpower and money. Too many people hang onto a mistake far too long, because they’ve already invested a lot of time and money making that mistake. What happens is we are then throwing good money after bad. Sometimes, we just have to take the hit as a learning experience and move on to more productive endeavors.

Quitting a relationship in business often means we have the tough task of firing someone. Most of us don’t like the idea of hurting anyone, so we avoid it. As a business owner? I HATED having to admit I made a mistake in hiring. But I can honestly say that every person I’ve fired should have been cut loose far earlier.

I had a writer I knew who I hired to do basic administrative stuff. He was a really nice guy I wanted to help…but he was a DISASTER in the job I’d given him. He sent messages to the wrong people, missed messages, made all kinds of errors in the paperwork. A person I’d hired to help me save time was sucking every spare minute I had cleaning up his mistakes. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and keep hoping things would improve.

They didn’t.

But, by NOT quitting on an idea (letting this person GO), I ended up causing damage that wouldn’t have been there had I been brave enough to put a stop to something that wasn’t working.

Quitting Makes Pressing On EASIER

As an author, quitting has saved me pointless revisions. When I get a feel a story is going nowhere? I stop. Go back to the basics. What is my log-line? Why is the story unraveling or fizzling?

I used to just keep going, keep writing and believe that I would find my way out. What I actually did was make the landscape far more confusing and the novel much harder to repair because now I had an additional 30,000 words I didn’t want to part with. Had I quit earlier when I first sensed the plot derailing, it would have been far simpler to get back on track.

Quitting is very useful. In BJJ, it helps us learn, grow toward mastery and have far fewer injuries. Same in working out. If it’s hurting in a WRONG WAY? Quit! Quitting saves a lot of time, effort, energy and drama if we learn to get good at it 😉 .

What are your thoughts? Do you practice BJJ? Did you have a hard time quitting (tapping out) in the beginning? Did you improve once you learned it was okay to “lose”? Have you had some tough things in life that got better once you quit what wasn’t working? Are you bad about quitting? Do you hold on to things far too long and to your own detriment? Can you think of some things you might need to quit?

I LOVE hearing from you!

May 11, 2015
Roberto “Tussa” Alencar Seminar (5 of 5)

April 22, 2015
Roberto “Tussa” Alencar Seminar (4 of 5)

April 11, 2015
Roberto “Tussa” Alencar Seminar (3 of 5)

March 23, 2015
Roberto “Tussa” Alencar Seminar (2 of 5)

March 9, 2015
Roberto “Tussa” Alencar Seminar (1 of 5)

February 27, 2015