Gracie Barra Mansfield | Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Tag: Dojo Diva

Ten Habits for Effective Self Defense

The Gracie Mansfield Avengers are my BJJ BROTHERS.

If you happen to live in the Fort Worth or Arlington area? Gracie Barra Mansfield is a great place to learn Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Get in shape, bond, make friends, and spend quality time with the entire family. Here at Gracie Mansfield, we not only believe Jiu Jistu is for everyone, but we are passionate about training you how to keep yourself and your loved ones SAFE.

This said, the recipe for any successful attack ALWAYS has three ingredients: A Victim, a Perpetrator and an Opportunity.

Yes, learning self-defense, grappling, chokes, sweeps, locks, etc. is beneficial, but the BEST self-defense, the one that has the HIGHEST success rate?

Simply live in a way that never completes the predator’s recipe.

We can take away OPPORTUNITY simply by forming good habits (and this applies to EVERYONE, including the black belt 😉 ).

Today, we are going to discuss ten simple habits that can take away some of the most common opportunities evil people exploit.

AVOID CONFLICT

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Truth is, I want you to try a Gracie Barra Mansfield class. I love martial arts. We are a Dojo Family. My five-year-old son and I take classes together. But the reality is that real-life attacks are never cut and dry. Even if we do walk away, there can be lasting consequences physically, emotionally, mentally and even legally.

This means that the best way to win a fight is to avoid one at ALL COST. Leave, run away, FLEE! Yes, Gracie can help prepare us for worst-case-scenarios, but the most prudent course of action? Don’t get in a worst-case-scenario to begin with.

BE AWARE

We’ve already talked some about this. Modern life has created a LOT of bad habits. Talking, texting, listening to music, wearing headphones. BAD, BAD JUJU. If we are outside of our house, our heads need to be on a swivel. We must first spot danger if we hope to avoid it.

DON’T LET YOURSELF BE OUTNUMBERED

Round a corner and there is a group of people who make your Spidey-Senses tingle? LISTEN TO YOUR SPIDEY-SENSES. Turn around and find a better route (preferably one well-lit with people).

Even if you don’t have your Spidey-Senses go off? We should turn around especially if we’re alone. We should never give an opportunity for that seemingly innocuous group of teens to turn into a mob playing the Knockout Game…on US.

BE AWARE ALWAYS

Pay attention to who is around you. How can we know we are being followed or even herded if we aren’t aware who is around us?

Along with texting and Facebook, another MAJOR distraction is sight-seeing (especially now that it is summer). We can get so caught up in the new sights and smells and opportunities for a cool selfie that we fail to be vigilant.

Remember, ALL places can be potentially dangerous, but especially places where we might tend to feel safer or be having so much fun that we let down our guard. Predators LOVE resorts, theme parks, beaches, lakes, and popular tourist destinations.

The places we love to go have fun are the favorite hunting ground of the predator. Keep that in mind so that the memories of any vacation are happy ones.

GET IN THE CAR AND LEAVE

Image vie Flickr Creative Commons.

We females are notorious for getting in the car and then taking time to check makeup, our phones, make a call, etc. These activities can and should be done LATER. Sitting in a parked car alone is already a vulnerable spot, but sitting there absorbed in an activity is just trouble waiting to happen.

Sure, we might get away with doing this many many years, but it only takes ONE TIME to alter or end a life.

Remember we talked about the minds of predators. Like wolves, a human predator’s primary activity involves searching for and then exploiting vulnerability. Don’t give them the opportunity. Get in the car, lock it and leave.

WALK WIDE AROUND CORNERS OF BUILDINGS

We don’t know what is on the other side of a blind corner, so form a habit of walking wide around blind spots. Hedges are also dangerous. When I used to live in apartments we had a large hedge near one of the buildings. It was shocking how many females would just wander past (usually texting) with no thought about who might be waiting on the other side.

LOOK UP

I have a friend who was a Green Beret and he’d laugh at how regular people never LOOK UP…and he was right. Again, back when I lived in an apartment complex, I’d often go sit and read on the stairs. It was shocking how many people walked past and never knew I was there.

Remember that just being aware can take away an attacker’s opportunity. We don’t need to walk around like frightened chickens, but keep an eye on what’s going on around and remember to also glance up 😉 .

AVOID REACTION-NUMBING SUBSTANCES IN PUBLIC (OR UNFAMILIAR) PLACES

Summertime is a time we like to let go and have fun, but substances like alcohol are a main ingredient for disaster. Remember that to stay safe, the BEST plan is to avoid bad situations. When we are under the influence, we don’t make quick decisions or even good decisions. We might let down our guard, allow people in our personal space or not read important red flags heralding danger.

Danger is tough enough to avoid sober, so it is best that we keep a clear head.

GUARD YOUR DRINKS

Speaking of drinks, this is not necessarily just for alcoholic beverages. Watch ALL drinks. Before I got married, I LOVED to go dancing and I always drank water. If I left to use the restroom, I always got a new glass FROM THE BARTENDER.

I would not even trust a friend watching your drink. Bars are filled with distractions (kind of the point of a club or bar) and it is simply too easy for a skilled predator to compromise a beverage with some kind of drug.

Also, do not let anyone you do not know and trust buy you a drink and, even then, always be present when the drink is prepared.

THEY ARE STILL A STRANGER

Seems legit….

In social situations, it is easy to get talking to a person and let the guard down too soon. It might be a person we meet at the lake or a club or even a first date. Remember that while the person might be friendly, he still could simply be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. People should earn our trust.

Our job isn’t to be frightened of the world and think everything is going to kill us, but we should maintain a healthy respect for danger. Self-defense can become as natural as breathing if we get into and maintain smart habits. We look forward to seeing you in class!

Be smart and be safe!

~Dojo Diva

June 1, 2015
Girls, Gals and Grandmas—Why EVERY Female NEEDS Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

I was hesitant to write about self-defense because I am only Bruce Lee in my own mind. I’ve been studying BJJ for about eight months, which means I’m a three-stripe white belt (in BJJ you are a white belt for a minimum of a year). I do have some skills, but I am far from being an expert. In fact, the only thing I am REALLY useful for is my body being used to clean the mats like a human Swiffer. Spray me with Endust and then partner me with a blue belt…

So what would someone like ME have to say about self-defense?

Actually, after chatting with Professor Young, more than I realized. I’ve been reading a lot of great Jiu Jitsu blogs and it’s easy to become intimidated. There is some fabulous advice from generous upper belts, but I think we can get some faulty thinking if we aren’t careful.

See, the beauty of any martial arts, but ESPECIALLY Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, is you don’t have to know a lot to know. . .A LOT. There are some basic things we learn very early that can do a lot to keep us safe and fend off most attackers. In my opinion, BJJ is the BEST form of martial arts for females and every female should take at least some classes.

Seriously, Moms. Take a class and bring your daughters. Bring your MOM. BJJ is for all ages and you don’t have to be in ninja form to learn how to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Thing is, our society can be kind of weird. We have drills for all kinds of things. We run through all kinds of plans and safety training. Get on ANY plane and the flight attendant will train all of us how to put on a seatbelt. OH-kaaayyy. So THAT’S how I do it! They will point out emergency exits and explain what will happen should trouble arise.

Why?

Because this drill, silly as it seems, prepares us. We don’t want to wait until the plane is going down to think about what could be used as a flotation device.

We do fire drills at schools and workplaces. We do tornado drills. We drill and practice a speech. We practice our answers for a job interview. We might even rehearse what we are going to say and do on a first date or when confronting Aunt Lulu about her tuna loaf. We war-game how we are going to say NO to sewing bumblebee costumes for the entire Kindergarden class.

We rehearse and drill all kinds of things with our KIDS. What to do if lost in a mall. What to do if a stranger asks for help searching for a pet.

If you are like our family, you even plan what you would do in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse.

But how much training are we doing for an event that happens every minute of every day to someone? How prepared are we for when someone lunges for our purse or tackles us for a sexual assault? How many teenage girls have an emergency preparedness plan for when for a nice normal date suddenly turns ugly? For a guy pinning her to the ground and who won’t respect the word NO?

How many times have we run through those scenarios so that if (GOD FORBID) it happens? We know what to do.

I’m going to give you a peek into the predator’s mind. The ONE thing most attackers are counting on is that we will panic. That we won’t know what to do. That they can grab us or tackle us or choke us and our minds are going to go a big fat BLANK. They are COUNTING ON that small expanse of panic so they can easily escalate the attack into something life-changing or life-ending.

When they DO attack a person who’s prepared? A whole other ending, and one that is NOT good for the predator. When we fight back, when we are prepared? That is often when it’s the predator’s turn to panic.

For instance, this ADORABLE rabbit…chasing a snake up a tree. Bet the snake hadn’t planned on that…

So. Can even a HANDFUL of classes help? YES. Overwhelmingly YES. Why?

BJJ Prepares the Mind and the Body for a Fight

I find it funny that people believe that because I train in martial arts, I therefore must want to be in a fight. NOOOOOOO. I am a lover, not a fighter. The best way to win a fight? AVOID a fight. But in life, sometimes stuff happens and we need to be ready.

Thing is, it is pretty shocking the first time you get hit. Since many people have never been hit, pinned or choked, they panic when it happens. Their minds go blank and panic sets in and panic can get us hurt or killed.

In BJJ we don’t do much punching and kicking, but we do train to be ready for someone who wants to punch and kick. . . or choke or tackle us to the ground. This means we can experience the moves and feel of a fight (an attack) in a safe environment so if that time should ever come? We are ready and we don’t think, don’t panic, we simply ACT.

This is actually the second time I have taken Jiu Jitsu. I started in waaaay back in the mid 90s when it was a new and unheard of sport. I recall doing a drill for getting free from a rear choke. And I did my thing because it was all a fun workout and I really wanted to earn that next belt. I really didn’t give any thought to how I might use this outside of a dojo.

At the time, I was working nights delivering papers to pay my way through college. Part of having a paper route involved selling new subscriptions along your route. My route was comprised of three HUGE apartment complexes.

So one night, I dressed relatively nicely so people would open the door and at least listen to my pitch about why they needed a Fort Worth Star Telegram. I dressed somewhere in between Jehovah’s Witness and possible Kirby Salesperson, so presentable, but not PLEASE ROB ME I AM WEARING DIAMONDS. I had a decent leather briefcase to hold the paperwork and any checks collected.

It was during the time of year it got dark early. As I was making my way through the parking lot, I came across a drunk who started hitting on me and asking about my briefcase. I was polite and firm and kept on my way (this was WAY before cell phones). Anyway, about an hour later, as I was making my way to the next building the guy came out of nowhere for me and used…

A rear choke.

I didn’t even have to think. It was as if I moved of my own accord. I broke the choke, threw the guy and then. . . .beat the SNOT out of him with the very briefcase he was trying to steal. Within two minutes, my small amount of training tuned this 6 foot 3 drunk from predator to prey.

Because I was chasing him to get in another hit (at 5’3″ and 110 pounds). . .

The rabbit and the snake again 😀 .

When I called the cops and they asked for a description, all I could recall was tall white male, drunk, and probably had an impression of my briefcase in his face.

But how badly could that have gone had I not drilled what to do in case of that attack over and over and over? If I had never felt the sensation of being choked? If I’d panicked?

I’ve been in martial arts enough years to witness the kinds of people who sign up (and I’m mainly referring to females here). Two kinds of females take martial arts—those who’ve never been attacked and those who don’t want it to happen ever again.

Prevention is always preferable. Those first seconds of a potential attack are the most critical. So drill for tornadoes and drill for fire escape, and rehearse for what to do in the event of a plane crash, but the odds of us being attacked by another PERSON are far higher than being in a fire, a tornado or a plane crash.

In my opinion, one of the BEST gifts for that high school graduate is a class in BJJ. Bring the kids. Spend a summer together learning and training together. But above all?

Stay smart, stay calm and stay safe 😉 .

~Dojo Diva

May 27, 2015
Ten Major Health Benefits of Gracie Barra Jiu-Jitsu

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has a lot of benefits one might not think of right away, so today we are going to talk about Ten HUGE Health Benefits of Gracie Jiu Jitsu. How do I know about these benefits?

I LIVE them.

Not only am I a forty-one-year-old woman. I am a mom, a writer, and a C.E.O. of my own company. Stress just goes with the territory. Gracie Jiu Jitsu has been a lifesaver.

Life has not been all bunnies and unicorns for me. I’ve struggled with MAJOR health issues. Last summer, I suddenly had a strange rash break out on my side and finally landed in the ER from pain. I found out I had SHINGLES.

Nothing to make a gal feel young and sexy like SHINGLES.

I wouldn’t wish Shingles on my worst enemy. In 1995, I fractured my lower back and it didn’t hurt nearly as badly as Shingles. With Shingles? I was in sheer agony. Every nerve ending was on fire. I was also tired, moody, depressed and did I mention the PAIN?

But, Shingles was a wakeup call. I feel I finally got this ill because the stress of taking care of aging family members, the stress of running a business, the stress of traveling and working non-stop finally dog-piled me. BJJ has helped me tremendously and I recovered from Shingles far faster than any doctor anticipated. I firmly believe Jiu Jitsu is the reason I was able to bounce back as quickly as I did.

So here are TEN Major Benefits from BJJ…

Make You Sweat—In our climate-controlled-anti-perspirant-loving worlds, it is easy to forget that we humans were designed to SWEAT. We seem to do everything possible to avoid sweating, but that can come at a heavy cost to our health.

We live in a stressful world and often don’t make the best food choices when we are on the go. Additionally, we are exposed to all kinds of environmental toxins our forefathers and foremothers didn’t have to contend with. We inhale exhaust from cars and formaldehyde from carpet and building materials. We ingest petroleum-based estrogen from plastic bottles and food wrappers. Our bodies endure a relentless assault of toxins and chemicals, which we NEED to get rid of.

How does the body do this? SWEAT. Feeling fatigued, depressed, anxious, tired, bloated? How long has it been since you had a good soak-through-your-clothes-SWEAT?

If we don’t sweat, all that junk just builds up in our system. Trust me, in BJJ, you will SWEAT.

Make You MOVE–Modern life is very sedentary. We drive places instead of walking. We use machines to do what we used to do by hand (I.e. washing/scrubbing clothes). Our body is made up largely of water. Our lymphatic system is there to help detox poisons and garbage from the blood and get rid of cancer-causing cells in the body. How does it work? With WATER. But water alone isn’t enough.

Physical activity helps the lymphatic fluid pump through our system to give it a good cleaning.

What happens when a body of water has no movement? It is stagnant and gross and bad stuff starts to grow. Our bodies are the same. Movement helps keep those currents flowing and our body rejuvenated.

Stress Release—Feel like you are waiting to exhale? Do you often forget to breathe throughout the day? I’m a writer by trade and I know that sometimes I just suddenly gulp down air because I’m so tense, so focused on what I am doing, I forget to BREATHE.

Again, human lifestyles used to accommodate for stresses. For instance, we had to walk places. We could decompress, move, maybe watch the sun or birds and we could wind down while we were getting from Point A to Point B.

These days, when we go from Point A to Point B? We DRIVE…which is usually just STRESS on STEROIDS. We get home and all we have left in us is to veg out. Why? Because all that stress is just piling up and it NEEDS to be diffused.

Potential energy (stress) needs to be turned into kinetic energy (movement) or we are setting ourselves up for overload and burnout.

And, to be blunt, society frowns on us choking that other driver who has never met a BLINKER…but we can work out that repressed urge to choke people in a socially acceptable way with Jiu Jitsu 😀 .

Lower Cortisol Levels—Cortisol is a hormone released when we are under stress. Though this hormone is necessary and helpful, modern lifestyles have allowed this bugger to go cray-cray. Poor diet, not enough sleep, stress from work, home, finances all place our bodies in a non-stop cycle of “hormonally” being “ready” for a fight…that never comes.

Hit the mats. Burn off that cortisol.

Better Sleep—Again, modern lifestyles are to blame. In the “olden” days, it was easier to get a good night’s rest. First of all, before the advent of electric lighting, people went to bed when the sun went down. They wound down to the low light of a fire, candle or lantern. This bright-halogen-stay-up-as-many- hours-as-you-can is NOT NORMAL and NOT HEALTHY.

Light pollution and sound pollution are also problems that can interfere with sleep.

But, one HUGE reason we aren’t sleeping the way we should? We aren’t wearing out the BODY. Our brains are fried. Our emotions are raw and bleeding, but our bodies? They’ve been forced to do a very unnatural thing…SIT STILL ALL DAY.

What I love about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is that it is an intense workout that can be tailored for any level of skill or fitness. When I started, I was 40 years old and 40 pounds overweight. I was also coming off five months with Shingles. Now? I am still recovering from Shingles, but I am a lot healthier. All I have had to do is up my intensity. BJJ worked for where I was, and works where I AM.

Flexibility—This one is HUGE for me. I’ve been a writer for going on 14 years. Six years ago, I was crippled with tendonitis in my hands, wrists, elbows and shoulders. I couldn’t hold my son (who was a baby) and could barely function in my job.

I did physical therapy, yoga, weights, more yoga and it never fully went away. Finally, I figured I would be in pain anyway so I signed up for BJJ. Six weeks later the tendonitis was gone. What I tried for SIX YEARS to fix, BJJ did in SIX WEEKS.

When I traced back how this could be so, I realized that a lot of the movements in BJJ are opposite of what we do in life. In life, we are hunched over a steering wheel, a keyboard. We are curled inward. Many of the movements in BJJ strengthen and stretch muscles we aren’t using enough.

Improved Focus—Face it, if you are wearing out your body, breathing, moving, and stretching? You probably will sleep better which will help focus. BUT, BJJ is a unique sport. There is a LOT of strategy involved and it is as much of a sport of the mind as it is the body.

In BJJ it isn’t about who is the strongest, but often who is the smartest 😉 . I’m closing in on my blue belt and what I am learning is that if I fight smarter, I don’t have to fight HARDER.

BJJ helps focus in that it trains the mind to be engaged and deliberate, which can be a fresh change of pace from the routine of being on auto-pilot.

Relaxation—These days we have a tough time winding down. We are keyed up on energy drinks and our RIDICULOUS American culture expects us to give 110% 110% of the time. We are penalized for vacations and sick days. And then we wonder why so many Americans are obese, unhealthy and unhappy?

BJJ wears out the will the mind and the body so we can RECOVER. It also helps us learn to get in tune with the bodies and minds we’ve probably been ignoring far too long.

Better Hydration—Trust me, come try an hour of BJJ and all you will want is WATER and LOTS OF IT. I know many people trying to lose weight struggle with getting rid of sodas and even alcohol. So change the pattern. Go to the WHY. Why are we drinking sugary caffeinated drinks? Because we are tired. Why are we tired? Because we are dehydrated and over caffeinated and stressed. Same with alcohol. We are maybe having that wine or beer just so we can get SOME SLEEP.

In the absence of activity, these drinks DO provide a reward. Start doing BJJ and these drinks will start becoming a penalty. You just feel ICKY. Water is soon what you crave because rolling around on the ground after too much wine or a day filled with Coca Cola is just…UGH.

Better Food Choices—Again, change the pattern. Sugary processed foods have a reward when we are sedentary. But, get active and suddenly we fill like someone dumped sugar in our gas tank…because THAT is EXACTLY what is happening.

Gracie believes that Jiu Jitsu is a lifestyle. Yes, it is great that we can turn any potential mugger or rapist into a human pretzel, but the LIFE of BJJ is the longer-lasting reward that you can enjoy every day.

May 18, 2015
Want to WIN? Learn to QUIT—BJJ and the Power of Quitting

Dojo Diva here! Happy Monday! Today we are going to talk about QUITTING. Wait? Didn’t we just talk about beginning? YES. But starting and quitting are actually more closely related than one might imagine. To quote the one of the greatest movies ever…

Sometimes the way forward is often the way baaack. ~Labyrinth

Gracie Jiu Jitsu practitioners learn that we never lose, only learn. In the beginning, this can be tough to embrace because pride and ego get in the way. When I started BJJ, I didn’t (obviously) have any skill, but I DID have strength. I also had an ego. When we’d spar (roll) I’d muscle through using power instead of finesse. Problem was, I didn’t want to lose, so I wouldn’t tap out even when it was clear I was beaten with yet another arm bar. I’d hold on and hold on and HOLD ON and MAKE them truly get the arm bar before I would tap out.

Dumb, dumb, dumb-ditty dumb.

I still “lost.” I only delayed “losing” and added a strained elbow or shoulder on top of it.

Finally, I slowed down long enough to listen and decided to try it the “Gracie Way” instead of my own. I slowed down, focused on my breathing and gave up trying to “win” and instead focused on learning. What was I doing or not doing that was leading to me being in a bad spot? I set aside my pride and traded it for allowing myself to be new. Now, the second I feel I goofed up? I tap out, reverse engineer what went wrong and work to correct it.

There are so many things in life we can be powering through and in our fear of “giving up” we lose the larger and more important lesson.

There’s a famous quote that I feel does a LOT of damage if we aren’t careful. “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” Inspiring? YES. Accurate? NO.

I posit that winners actually are expert quitters. They quit things all the time! They quit toxic relationships that are taking time and energy away from their goals. They quit a business plan that’s going nowhere. They quit shopping novels that maybe didn’t turn out as well as planned and they move on to the next book and do better because they can use the experience from the story that went sideways.

I like to say, “Persistence looks a lot like stupid.” The act of never giving up is noble, but never giving up on the wrong things is a formula to fail. We have to learn to detect the difference between quitting a tactic and quitting a dream.

Quitting is very valuable when applied properly.

Quitting Shortens the Learning Curve

When I learned to “quit” in BJJ, I started seeing more clearly what I was doing wrong. I was able to keep going and get more practice because I could stop and ask questions. “Hey, what do I do when I find myself HERE?” And I could use the time as a learning opportunity. Also, I prevented injuries that might have made me have to take off valuable time from Jiu Jitsu.

Quitting Saves Time and Money

In business, quitting can save time, manpower and money. Too many people hang onto a mistake far too long, because they’ve already invested a lot of time and money making that mistake. What happens is we are then throwing good money after bad. Sometimes, we just have to take the hit as a learning experience and move on to more productive endeavors.

Quitting a relationship in business often means we have the tough task of firing someone. Most of us don’t like the idea of hurting anyone, so we avoid it. As a business owner? I HATED having to admit I made a mistake in hiring. But I can honestly say that every person I’ve fired should have been cut loose far earlier.

I had a writer I knew who I hired to do basic administrative stuff. He was a really nice guy I wanted to help…but he was a DISASTER in the job I’d given him. He sent messages to the wrong people, missed messages, made all kinds of errors in the paperwork. A person I’d hired to help me save time was sucking every spare minute I had cleaning up his mistakes. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and keep hoping things would improve.

They didn’t.

But, by NOT quitting on an idea (letting this person GO), I ended up causing damage that wouldn’t have been there had I been brave enough to put a stop to something that wasn’t working.

Quitting Makes Pressing On EASIER

As an author, quitting has saved me pointless revisions. When I get a feel a story is going nowhere? I stop. Go back to the basics. What is my log-line? Why is the story unraveling or fizzling?

I used to just keep going, keep writing and believe that I would find my way out. What I actually did was make the landscape far more confusing and the novel much harder to repair because now I had an additional 30,000 words I didn’t want to part with. Had I quit earlier when I first sensed the plot derailing, it would have been far simpler to get back on track.

Quitting is very useful. In BJJ, it helps us learn, grow toward mastery and have far fewer injuries. Same in working out. If it’s hurting in a WRONG WAY? Quit! Quitting saves a lot of time, effort, energy and drama if we learn to get good at it 😉 .

What are your thoughts? Do you practice BJJ? Did you have a hard time quitting (tapping out) in the beginning? Did you improve once you learned it was okay to “lose”? Have you had some tough things in life that got better once you quit what wasn’t working? Are you bad about quitting? Do you hold on to things far too long and to your own detriment? Can you think of some things you might need to quit?

I LOVE hearing from you!

May 11, 2015
The Dip–A Crucible for Character

The Dip can feel like a BLACK HOLE

So we’ve talked about how hard it is to begin. We are in the company of our fears and insecurities. Maybe we even get pushback from friends. But, a new level, a new devil.

Meet THE DIP

You pushed all those negative thoughts back and STARTED. GO YOU! Maybe you started a new eating plan, a new novel, a new BJJ class. Odds are there was some pain involved, but the changes you saw were enough to keep pressing. Sure, you might have been bummed to be eating veggies and chicken instead of drive-thru burgers, but the clothes started getting looser and your skin began to glow. That new novel seemed to write itself. Yes, BJJ was hard, but MAN what a workout and you were learning SO MUCH.

Then????

*brakes screech*

Sometime, somewhere you ran into a wall.

Now? No matter how many veggies you eat, the scale isn’t budging. You pound on the keyboard, play with spitballs and try to be inspired, but? NOTHING. You can’t seem to finish that novel. If you are like me in BJJ, you feel like you’ve been at this FOREVER and you just aren’t getting any better. X number of months in and you wonder if maybe the dojo would be better off spraying your gi with Endust so at least the mats will be clean when your opponents finish wiping the floor with you.

The Dip is that pan of suck right before the breakthrough (thank you Seth Godin). No one knows how long The Dip will last until they are standing on the other side. Problem is, this is the place most people give up.

It is easy to keep pressing when we have some kind of outside validation that what we are doing will eventually pay off.

It’s easy to keep eating super healthy so long as the scale is going down. It’s easy to keep writing so long as the chapters are flowing. It’s easy to keep blogging so long as people comment and the stats at least improve.

But can we keep doing it even with NO SIGN what we are doing is “working”?

I’m a mom. I have a great kid, but he IS a five-year-old boy, which means he is like an Etch-A-Sketch someone shakes every night erasing all I imparted on him throughout the day. Even though we HAVE a routine and we HAVE structure, I still have to remind him over and over and… *cries* over.

“Is that how we ask for things? Please may I have…?”

“Is that where your shoes go?”

“It is not my job to keep up with your XBox controller. No, YOU need to look for it.”

Many times it would just be a LOT easier to give him what he wants without insisting on manners and respect. It would be easier to put away his shoes and find the controller because short-term? It is easier.

Did I mention that it is EASIER?

Meet The Spawn

But what would happen fifteen, twenty or twenty-five years from now? What kind of person would he be? Granted, I can’t control all of his choices, but as his mother it is my responsibility to at least TRY to rear a good citizen who is respectful and has self-control.

But I can’t always SEE that. That is why it is important to…

Keep Our Eyes Beyond The Dip

Lately I have felt stuck in BJJ. I didn’t feel like I was improving all that much. But, I kept thinking of why I began. I wanted a black belt in SOMETHING. Apparently sarcasm doesn’t count 😛 .

So, I just kept showing up. And, today I was at the gym doing my own training and found that, suddenly, a certain drill that was really cumbersome and awkward clicked. It is a small step, but it IS a step.

With my son, day-to-day I can’t SEE who he will become and parenting can feel like a GINORMOUS Dip. We seem to never make it forward. Every day is new, but still sticky, coated in cat fur or lost in the basket of socks we STILL need to fold.

Then one day, he says or does something that I stop and go, “OMG! He IS listening! It’s working!”

The Trick To Busting The Dip

Keep pressing. We need to remember the WHY behind what we are doing. We should keep our eyes OFF The Dip (namely because that sucker is HUGE and intimidating) and instead keep our eyes on putting one foot in front of the other.

Never underestimate the value of simply showing up.

I did this as a writer. I blogged when no one cared what I had to say. I blogged for a YEAR AND A HALF to the spam bots. Now, eight years later that my name is in Writer’s Digest Magazine? Sure, WAY easier to show up. But what if I’d focused on The Dip instead of the work?

Right now? I have all kinds of other Dips (organizing my house, getting a blue belt in BJJ, finishing my next book). That’s the thing about Dips. We get past one and soon? There will be ANOTHER Dip and likely a tougher one. This is why we must learn the PSYCHOLOGY of The Dip.

Dips serve some great purposes:

Dips weed out the uncommitted.

If every person who started writing a novel could be GUARANTEED to be a New York Times Best-Selling Author? They’d likely finish the novel. But it is simply because there ARE NO guarantees that few people ever get published at all. Most give up because they really didn’t LOVE writing.

Dips make us value what we’ve achieved.

Trust me. When I get that ~~black~~ okay, blue belt? I AM WEARING IT EVERYWHERE. I will VACUUM the house in that thing because I worked my tail off for it.

Dips harden us and fire out our character impurities.

I used to make more excuses than I do now. These days? Because of some Dips? I am much more self-disciplined.

Dips train our minds to be formidable. Success in anything is mostly mental.

Some see obstacles and others see opportunities. Dips TRAIN THAT.

Once we learn to recognize The Dips, we know they aren’t permanent. When we realize they aren’t permanent, we can shift our locus of focus to those things we CAN control and CHOOSE to focus on those instead. We learn to be OUTLASTERS. Eventually? We eat Dips for breakfast 😉 .

What are your thoughts? Have you ever been through a DIP? Was it hard not to give up? Are you happy you didn’t? What was on the other side? Are you in a Dip now? I SO am. Which is partly why I am WRITING about Dips.

April 27, 2015
Becoming a Person of Excellence—Permission to Be NEW

Dojo Diva here and today we are going to chat some more about BEGINNING. Last time, we talked about the crabs in the bucket and how we are wise realize that not everyone will throw us a party when we set out to do anything remarkable. When we decide to try Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, lose weight, save for a vacation, start a novel, go back to school, it can often be those closest who offer the most resistance.

It’s natural. People LOVE homeostasis, meaning they LOVE the comfort zone. Problem is, nothing amazing every happened in the comfort zone.

One thing that can get in the way of us beginning is our tendency to procrastinate. Procrastination is often birthed from perfectionism.

We might set standards so high that we set ourselves up for failure. This is why a lot of people are tired, grumpy and burned out three weeks into the New Year.

We bite off way more than we can chew and sabotage our success.

In Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, you are a white belt a long, long, looooooong time. Unlike other forms of martial arts where one is a white belt for all of a minute, BJJ leaves you as a white belt for at least a year (we get stripes instead of new colors).

Talk about a lesson in HUMILITY. There is nothing intimidating about being a WHITE BELT. Those IN BJJ know how hard it is for us to earn those stripes, but those folks on the outside? They’re wondering what’s wrong that our belt hasn’t changed color in 8 months.

But, I will say that being left a white belt has actually been better for me. It has given me permission to be NEW. BJJ is SUPER complex. There is a LOT of subtlety and nuance to this sport. Unlike other forms of martial arts, it’s impossible to get better alone. You HAVE to grapple. You NEED mat time to appreciate the feel of the opponent and learn to be strategic and seize opportunities.

This remaining a white belt for SO long has helped me in daily life because it’s taught me to be more realistic with my expectations.

Often we get frustrated and quit because we are expecting too much too soon. Years ago, when I decided to become a writer, I was humiliated that my first novel wasn’t worthy of a Pulitzer. Why? I was NEW.

I see SO many potentially great writers give up because their first novel or first draft doesn’t make angels weep. They fail to understand that this art (like all other arts) takes TIME. It takes practice. When it comes to writing, they are a WHITE BELT and they are in that span of suck where they are developing and honing new skills and instincts.

Just like it is NOT natural to sit alone and write 100,000 words, it is NOT natural to want a fight to go to the ground.

Discipline is UNNATURAL

Chaos and entropy? THAT is natural. The path of least resistance? THAT is natural. When we are new, we are shifting the settings on our “natural.” When others find it natural to eat junk, we lose our taste for it. Cheap fast food burgers begin to taste UNNATURAL. When others find it natural to watch reality television, we get twitchy because we WANT to be at the dojo (or gym or computer). Sitting around feels UNNATURAL.

Small Habits= Big Changes

When we start something new, we can get overwhelmed because we think we need to do SO MUCH. Yet, if we can focus on small changes daily, eventually these habits spread. When we decide to eat healthy we might cut out every poor food choice at once…and then feel icky and be tempted to hold up a Baskin Robbins with a shotgun.

Instead, start with cutting soda intake and replacing with water. Maybe commit to ONE serving of greens with every meal. Add to over time.

Want an immaculate and organized home? Try FlyLady. Baby steps ARE steps!

Same with writing a book. Too many wanna-be authors feel they must write ten pages a day. Start with 500 words. Build on that over time. 500 words a day (if we stick to it) is a novel in six months.

In BJJ, start with a free class. Then add to that. Commit to two days a week. Even two days a week can add up to BIG transitions if we are CONSISTENT. Instead of focusing on skills, focus first on being CONSISTENT and skills will eventually come.

Remember we are what we repeatedly do. If we want to change who we are, we must first change our habits. To change these habits LONG-TERM, we must give ourselves permission to LEARN, permission to be NEW. Whatever you are seeking to accomplish, remember that the white belt is precious because it represents the biggest CHANGE.

You started. Now keep pressing!

What are your thoughts? Do you have a bad habit of trying to do too much too soon? You overdo it at the gym or give yourself tendonitis from trying to write the Great American Novel in a week? Have you gotten better at pacing yourself? Are you too hard on yourself? Maybe get discouraged easily?

For those who are white belts, do you find it discouraging sometimes? I do. I’m human. I know I am getting closer to blue, but it DOES feel light years away some days.

I LOVE hearing from you!

April 20, 2015
Greetings from The Dojo Diva

Greetings from The Dojo Diva—Mistress of Mats & Collector of Soles. “Soles”, “feet”, get it? I crack myself up.

And THIS, Kiddies, is why you don’t let a writer “check her Pinterest page” on your computer. Next thing you know, she is starting a BLOG. Ha! Ha! Professor!

Y’all don’t tell him I’m here, ‘kay?

*runs with glitter*

My real name is Kristen Lamb and I’m a professional blogger, the author of three #1 best-selling books, a part-time evil scientist and amateur sea monkey trainer. But when I’m not plotting global domination using genetically enhanced brine shrimp, I practice Gracie Barra Jiu-Jitsu (with a heavy emphasis on the word “practice”).

Thing is, maybe you’re here because you know what Gracie Barra Jiu-Jitsu is. Maybe you want to learn more. Maybe you misspelled the name of your favorite take-out place and Google sent you here. It doesn’t matter how you got here, only that you are here.

*turns on loud party music*

I’ve been practicing some form of martial arts most of my life and there are so many lessons that we take from the dojo and into the world. The benefits of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu are too many to count, though on this blog, we will try.

Why?

Because, even if you aren’t part of our ~~cult~~ um, dojo…we believe in Jiu-Jitsu for everyone.

By the way, we don’t make you dance with snakes until blue belt.

Kidding!

Wow, are you stressed? You’re a little tense. Might I recommend some herbal tea or a triangle choke?

Anyway, if you want the real history of Jiu-Jitsu and Gracie Barra Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, go HERE namely because my version involves advanced alien technology…

Come on! Have you watched Rhonda Rousey? She is a seriously good argument for my Ancient Aliens BJJ theory, but…moving on.

Even if you aren’t yet practicing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, you can still enjoy a Gracie State of Mind (without the snakes because um, hellooo? Where is your blue belt? Thought so.)

In the spirit of Jiu-Jitsu for everyone, I ~~hacked into the website~~ started this blog so we can chat about the trials of everyday life and maybe work through them together.

Kidding aside, I work as a full-time author and am C.E.O. of my own company. I homeschool my son and wasn’t exactly a spring ferret when I started practicing BJJ.

As a slightly-less-fluffy 41 year old woman, I am probably the last person one might think of as a fine-tuned machine of destruction.

I have to admit, though I’ve enjoyed success as a speaker, teacher, author, and blogger, I was more than a bit intimidated by the idea of starting Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu as an over-forty female. At almost a year into this journey, I can say it’s been one of the best decisions of my life. I hope you sign up for a free class here or even at another Gracie Barra studio, but in the meantime?

Let’s chat about beginnings.

The starting line can be the scariest place. We stand there in the company of our fears, our insecurities, and our failures. Even if we can overcome those negative voices in our own heads, often we get resistance from the world, from culture, from expectations and the pressure can paralyze us.

Anytime we try anything remarkable, there will be pushback.

I use this story with my writers. Did you know that those who catch crabs simply toss them in a bucket? No lid. No cage. Just a bucket. And the weird thing is that the crabs never escape.

But why?

Because if one crab gets the idea to climb out, the others will drag it back down in the bucket.

I’ve seen this play out so many times in my own life. When I decided to ditch sales to become an author, my friends and family heard something akin to, “Blah blah blah, writer, throwing away $50,000 education blah novels, blah cult.”

Though many years later most of them are now my biggest fans (now that I am successful), a lot of them tried to talk me out of my madness. At the time, they thought they were being good, being kind, and they didn’t see themselves as crabs in the bucket. They couldn’t SEE that eventually I would be successful.

They could only see me writing bad haiku in front of Starbucks in between panhandling for food.

All they could say was, “Don’t you want a job that PAYS?”

Over a decade later, I’m still doing crazy things…like rolling around on the mat choking people. But the crabs in the bucket are still there.

Aren’t you too old?

What if you get hurt?

Why don’t you do yoga? What about Jazzercise? Girls like Jazzercise, right?

Thus, today I want to challenge you to think in a new way. Be brave and begin. Begin that novel. Begin that financial plan, that savings plan, or even that Brazilian Jiu Jistu class because nothing great has ever happened in the comfort zone.

What are your thoughts? Do you have a hard time “beginning”? Does it seem too easy to procrastinate, make excuses, or put off something you want to do for yourself? Do you find it hard to ignore the opinions of others? Do you lean too much to the people-pleasing side? Have you overcome that and achieved something you’re proud of? Tell us about it!

For our Gracie peeps, was starting BJJ scary? What propelled you forward? Did others try to talk you out of BJJ because they were afraid you might get hurt? Or you were too old, too young, too female, too whatever? What did you do? Do you enjoy a Gracie State of Mind?

April 16, 2015