Gracie Barra Mansfield | Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Tag: Kristen Lamb

TSA Friendly Weapons for the Zombie Apocalypse—Because an Apocalypse is Never Convenient

Dojo Diva has been down for the count with a nasty case of POISON IVY. I fared okay doing Jiu Jitsu with my peeps at Gracie Baarra Jiu Jitsu Mansfield even though I was itchy and my legs looked like I was Patient Zero of the Zombie Apocalypse. My friends were kind enough not to mock me or shrink away. Then last week I went through withdrawal from the steroids and was siiiiick…which meant I spent a lot of time in bed. Which meant I spent a lot of time thinking.

This is bad juju.

My head is a strange place to be. I decided I needed a vacation but I have these strange fears that go with taking any break away from home.

Kristen’s Top Three Irrational Traveling Fears

1) The ONE time I don’t leave my home clean enough to perform open heart surgery will, of course, be the trip where I die in a fiery crash. Thus, as a good luck talisman of sorts, I have this compulsive need to make sure every stitch of dirty laundry is clean and put away. It’s my psychotic-and-pretty-much-fully-delusional-insurance against plane crashes.

2) If I wear cute, impractical shoes, the plane will have to make an emergency landing in some desert and then I will have to hump it out of Death Valley in those Betsey Johnson Iron-Maidens-for-the-Feet. In my mind I die not because I didn’t have a way out, but because I foolishly chose fashion over function.

We miss dear Kristen, but she left this world looking ADORABLE!

3) The Zombie Apocalypse will strike when I am away.

Every single trip, I have the same fear (I blame this on being a Gen-Xer). All I can think is, Gee, I hope the Zombie Apocalypse doesn’t start when I’m away from Hubby, Spawn and all the guns. I know normal people don’t think things like this, but I’m a writer and so the Normal Ship left a LONG time ago without me on board.

Ya dig?

And everyone should be prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse anyway. I mean we take Jiu Jitsu ~~to be fit~~ ~~have fun~~ ~~make friends~~ ~~learn self-defense~~ to be totally bad@$$ during the apocalypse.

Hey, I am not judging. I think it is smart! If one of the undead tries to bite your face off, that omoplata will TOTALLY be a game changer. If a horde of brainless freaks hit the streets of your town, you will be thinking, I didn’t know the presidential campaign was coming HERE.

Ooops. Inside words stay inside.

Zombies don’t like politicians anyway. They’re empty calories.

Where was I? Oh, yes. You will be thankful that ~~weirdos~~ people like me thought this stuff through because it is impossible for me to travel without thinking of the Doomsday Zombie Separated from Home Scenario.

Am I wrong to be a little freaked out when leaving home? In Texas, I HAVE a plan.

***Granted, I have no plan for flood, tornado or fire, but Z-Day? Our survival plan is tighter than Kim Kardashian’s Spanx.

We have weapons, ammo, a fallback point and lots of GF food. We can also raid the burned out shells of Central Market, Sprouts and Trader Joe’s as we flee to the ranch. But to leave out of town? I can’t bring nail clippers on a plane, so this presents a new challenge.

This is what always happens in the movies. The hero leaves for some innocuous business trip, and that is precisely the moment that some corporation trying to create a new kind of permanent Botox screws up. Then the protagonist is in for a cross-country zombie-fest with only the hope of being reunited with loved ones to cling to.

YES, I do have an overactive imagination. It is why it was better I become a writer than an accountant.

I am a really odd duck. Yes, that’s a nice “shocked face.” Thank you for being polite. No, seriously. I think these things through. I am the person who gives SAS Survival Guides and Jiu Jitsu lessons as Christmas gifts.

But I am in a bit of a conundrum since the terrorists ruined travel FOREVER. What can I pack in case of the Zombie Apocalypse?

The people in the movies are never prepared, which is why I am then required to shout expletives at the screen to make-believe people who can’t even hear me.

Anyway, since my life is not a movie…yet :D…I’ve had to get creative. Here are my Top 5 TSA-Friendly Zombie-Killing Weapons. Make it through airport security and rest assured that you will be prepared should the Zombie Apocalypse strike when you are on vacation or business travel, because you just know that an apocalypse never strikes at a convenient time *rolls eyes*. I think AAA and the airlines should give these kinds of travel tips, stuff we can actually use.

Top Five TSA-Friendly Zombie-Killing Weapons for the Apocalypse

1. Justin Bieber CDs

Being attacked by a horde of brainless freaks? Play some Justin Bieber and they are guaranteed to start dancing and crying and believing that Justin like seriously like looked right at them! SQUEEEEEEE! This method is guaranteed not only to distract the zombies, but it might even attract some Justin Bieber fans to give the zombies a snack so they aren’t busy chasing you.

The TSA isn’t crazy about Justin Bieber CDs, but they aren’t yet officially listed as weapons of terror.

Yet.

2. Cheap Hairspray

I would go for the industrial size can if you check a bag, but also at least 40 bottles of the travel size. They are under 2.5 ounces, so the TSA can’t exactly stop you, and if you wear big Texas hair they might not even bat an eye.

Hairspray, of course, is easy to make into a flamethrower, and also to do your hair. Duh.

Everyone has camera phones these days so it is a pretty safe bet that people will be taking pictures of the Zombie Apocalypse. And on any footage captured? Naturally, you want to be looking your best while triangle choking one of the undead.

3. Bubble Wrap

To the TSA, bubble wrap just looks like you are OCD about packing your stuff and making sure it doesn’t get jacked up. What they don’t realize is bubble wrap can serve as a Zombie Early Warning System. Scaling fences and cars running from mindless monsters can be tiring, so you need to get your rest. Just use the bubble wrap to form a perimeter. When they step on it? The noise can wake you up and then, when they are distracted playing with the bubble wrap–because, seriously who can resist freaking BUBBLE WRAP?—you can bust cap in their @$$. Not exactly a weapon, but the zombies end up dead–er, so who cares? Close enough.

4. Lady Gaga Meat Dress

It’s like a Ghillie Suit for slaying zombies. Just make sure you wrap this in the bubble wrap to keep it from leaking on your other stuff. And I might advise freezing your meat dress.

Not only will freezing your meat dress keep it fresh for the flight, but wearing freezing cold meat can a) help you stay cool while running for your life b) serve as a cold compress for any injuries you might sustain c) makes excellent body armor d) will keep anyone of the opposite sex from remotely hitting on you, thus preventing the sexual distraction that normally comes before a zombie rips your skull open e) can be used as food until it get’s that greenish slimy look f) but once it does get green, slimy and stinky, you will fit right in with the zombies, thus the Lady GaGa meat dress becomes the perfect zombie camouflage.

The downside is the zombies might not eat you, but you could die of e-coli, so make sure to fully cook your meat dress before consumption

The TSA might be iffy on this one. I know we can’t transport produce across state lines, but no one at the airlines would answer my questions about the meat dress. And now my phone is clicking. I think it’s been tapped.

5. A Bag Full of Legos

Need to trip up a pursuer? Toss a bag of Legos on the stairs and listen for the scream. To the TSA agent, you look like a loving family member bringing a child a toy, but little do they know Legos have a dark side and sharp edges.

Well, those are the Top Five TSA-Friendly Zombie-Killing Weapons. Any TSA friendly weapons you would like to add? I’d love some additional suggestions to add to the bag.

Do you have weird travel rituals? Do you have a fear of dying and loved ones finding your house a mess? Why would we care anyway?

July 6, 2015
Summer Travel Tips for a SAFE and SANE Vacation

We are heading into Fourth of July Weekend! *happy dance* We at Gracie Barra Mansfield, Texas want you to have a safe and relaxing summer and we hope it is memorable for the right reasons. I’ve been blessed to do a LOT of traveling for fun and for work. Some trips were fantastic and others? Very close to being an episode of “Locked Up Abroad.”

I could tell some stories!

Not only am I going to give you just some general tips to make traveling easier, but then we will talk about ways to be SAFE.

Some General “Make-Life-Easier” Tips

Arrive 90 Minutes Early for Your Flight (~~TWO~~ THREE HOURS for ANYTHING International)

Yes, I used to be one of those people running practically onto the tarmac yelling, “Don’t shut the door!” Those days are OVER. The airports now have a labyrinth of security we have to maneuver and on top of that the airlines have fewer planes in the air, which means almost all flights are overbooked and if we miss our flight?

Expect to get routed through Katmandu to get there (and that is if they can even GET you a connection). Missing a flight is a NIGHTMARE, so get there EARLY.

You need that extra time. Summertime is heavy for travel because not only do we have all those business people who already fly year-round, we also get the influx of those going on vacation. So, this means there are a lot of people.

Because this is the time of year that people who are not seasoned travelers fly, it slows things down. These are the people who have lived in a cave and don’t know that they need to pack all toiletries in ONE QUART-SIZED BAG. They also never heard of the shoe-bomber and probably wore something super-complicated with LACES…and buckles.

This means we have to give plenty of buffer for getting through security. Better to have and not need than to need and not have.

You might not get stuck behind the large family who all wants to bring a Big Gulp on board and not take off their shoes, but?

You might. Just plan for it.

Carry-On is Our FRIEND

When I fly domestically I NEVER check luggage, EVER. It is too easy for it to get lost, especially if there is a connection involved. But, if you DO need more stuff than what can fit in a carry-on, that’s fine but pack a change of clothes, medications and toiletries (ESSENTIALS) in the carry-on. This way, if your luggage takes a separate vacation, you are okay until the airport wrangles it back to you.

You DO NOT want to be in a resort location and have to buy essentials. It might require a small business loan. And don’t you want to spend your money on something FUN like a monkey made of coconuts instead of shaving cream?

Our Backup Plan Needs a Backup Plan

Photocopy all IDs, car rental agreements and credit cards and then keep them in the safe at your hotel. I was once in LA and lost my wallet with all my ID and my credit cards, but because I had photocopies, it was easier to get the cards frozen and I could make my case to the TSA WHY I didn’t have my driver’s license. Yes, I had to go through a ton of additional security layers to prove I was ME, but having a photocopy of my license minimized the drama.

Now the SAFETY Part. Safety is what what we at Gracie Barra Mansfield DO.

There are the obvious things we can do to stay safe. When traveling in a crowded location, wear something BRIGHT to make it easier to keep up with one another. Have a rally point established in case the group gets separated. Don’t flash around a bunch of cash and carry valuables in a travel wallet that is close to your person.

Some of the less obvious tips.

ONLY Use Resort-Approved Transportation

This is advice that really applies to traveling abroad. Once we leave the US, we are NOT in the US anymore. And while that sounds laughable, the news is always full of stories of naive tourists who became victims. Places like Jamaica and Mexico are beautiful destinations, but they also have a very dark underworld and Americans are prime prey for extortion and abductions so it is our job to not be a target.

Resorts WANT to maintain a sound reputation. It is how they MAKE MONEY. I know it might cost more to use an approved taxi, but it is way cheaper than being ransomed out of Central America.

When I was in Jamaica, taxi drivers running cheap island tours would take unwitting tourists all the way to the other side of the island and then demand thousands of dollars to take them BACK to the ship. They ran these types of scams constantly and continued to MAKE MONEY DOING THIS because tourists would try to save some cash and ignore this advice.

BE CAREFUL OF PHOTO-OPS

There are some destinations where one might see people dressed in character wandering around to make for memorable photos. If you happen to be in Boston, Massachusetts I am not really worried about getting a picture with “Ben Franklin” just pay attention to your valuables.

But there are destinations like the Coliseum in Rome, Italy where you will encounter Roman Centurions roaming around for a photo op. What many tourists don’t realize (until it is too late) is that many of these folks are pickpockets or scam artists. So enjoy, but be careful. Whenever we let strangers in our personal space, we should be extra vigilant.

Situational Awareness

One of the reasons tourists make for excellent targets is they get so caught up in taking selfies and pictures and gaping at the sights that they aren’t being aware of their surroundings. Pay attention.

Stay in the Popular Tourist Areas and Stick to the TOUR

We all want to venture off the beaten path, but this can be very dangerous. In some places, we just don’t want to wander into that back alley where we are a good target to be robbed or abducted. Remember, we are not locals so we don’t know when we are meandering into a bad part of town.

Additionally, there is a reason that wildlife tours stick to a certain path and there is a REASON they have trained guides. We underestimate nature at our own peril.

There was a story of a couple from Dallas who took a tram ride up to the top of the San Jacinto Mountain and then decided to take a stroll away from the well-traveled area with a gift shop. Even though they saw hikers and climbers in full gear, they believed they could go hiking around “for fun.” What began as a quick jaunt off the path turned into being stranded alone in the desert with no food or water or wilderness training. And they nearly DIED.

Do NOT Volunteer That You Are An American

Whether we like it or not, this is a scary world in some scary times. Americans are premium targets. Most of the time, it is pretty clear we are an American, but we should try to keep things low-key. As a novelist, my books involve Mexican and South American drug cartels and that is some SCARY stuff. Cartels are known for preying on tourists and they have a special taste for “Americans”, so just be aware…and tell them you’re Canadian 😉 .

Seriously. Strangers don’t need to know THAT much about us.

I’d say I am sorry if any of this frightens you, but I’m not sorry. The world is fabulous and beautiful, but we need to respect it is also dangerous. Whenever we vacation we are in an unknown and we are vulnerable. Our job is to stay frosty and limit the opportunities for the bad guys to do us harm.

Enjoy your vacation. Get some R&R and then join us here at Gracie Barra to work off those frozen beverages from that all-inclusive resort 😀 .

Stay smart and stay safe!

~Dojo Diva

July 1, 2015
Social Media Self Defense

Image via Tumblr

At Gracie Barra Mansfield, our goal is to reach out beyond the mats and serve our DFW community by teaching ways to stay safe. Yes, I (Kristen Lamb) am the self-professed Dojo Diva. While I am not YET a black belt in Jiu Jitsu, I am a trained social media ninja. I’ve written three #1 best-selling books on the topic and been teaching how to use social media since MYSPACE was cool.

One crucial area I teach? SAFETY. The internet is crawling with predators and we have to be wise how we handle our on-line interactions so they don’t turn into real-life disasters.

I teach Operational Security—Know your adversary and deny him access.

When sitting in our PJs scrolling Facebook, it is easy to fall into a false sense of security. But BEWARE, there are real life big bad wolves posing as Grandma (sometimes literally). Today, we will cover some tips to make sure on-line fun remains FUN.

NEVER Report Your Whereabouts on Social Media

There is no reason to be specific about where you live in your profile, especially if you live in a small community like Rendon or Kennedale. My on-line profiles all say “Dallas, TX” or “DFW, TX.” People who KNOW me, know where I live.

If you are going on vacation? Keep it to yourself until you return. Then feel free to post all your pics of the fun family vacation AFTER the fact. I can’t count HOW many times I have seen tweets or status updates with a pic of the family at the airport and a line that says, “FINALLY! We are off for our week vacation in Tumbuktu.”

And all I can think is, “Good job. You just let every potential burglar know your house is probably empty.”

Also, just because social media lets us “check in” and businesses encourage this doesn’t mean it is a good idea. First of all, it lets strangers know our precise location. This is great information for a potential attacker to lie in wait and a great way to get ambushed. Other people don’t need to know THAT much.

It’s none of their business.

DO NOT CHECK IN FRIENDS

I’ve been out with people who like to “check in” on Facebook and tell the world they are WITH ME at “XYZ BBQ” in Arlington, TEXAS. Well, that is great except, what if I am a female with an abusive ex who I am hiding from?

Thanks for getting me jumped in the parking lot.

If that person wants to advertise their house for a home invasion, go ahead, but please leave me out of it.

We don’t want to be “that” friend.

Don’t Post Pictures of Your Home with Identifiable Landmarks

Hey, after all that rain? I was PROUD of the work I did in my garden. My wisteria resembled that plant creature from Little Shop of Horrors and was trying to eat my house. Of course I took Before and After pictures. BUT, I was careful to not include the sign on my garage with my street address. I take great pains to always shoot from angles that don’t give away vital information.

Get a new car and want to share? Go ahead. Just take a pic that doesn’t show the license plate number or use a photo tool and blur or pixilate it out.

Monikers are Great for Kids

Some people get all weird and never want to post pics of their kids ever or talk about their kids or even let the world know they HAVE kids. And that is your call. But, I post pics of my kiddo and his on-line following rivals my own. But the world at large knows him as The Spawn. Unless people know us, like FOR REAL know us? They don’t know his real name.

Meet The Spawn

Putting our kids’ given names on social media just gives a way for predators to be able to approach a child BY NAME and that can go badly. Just use that nickname and refer to The Squirrel, The Bean, Peanut, whatever.

DO NOT GIVE YOUR BIRTHDAY

Identity thieves LOVE getting a hold of a birthdate. Just because Facebook has a space to fill in our birthdate doesn’t mean we need to go along like sheep. Either leave it blank or put in a date that is close enough for government work. Again, real friends will know your birthday.

These are just good habits for being safe on-line. Even if we have a locked down page and ONLY friends and family members “know” us? Still follow these tips. Hackers and phishers compromise accounts all the time. Just because we think that’s Grandma doesn’t mean a Wolf didn’t “eat” her profile and put on her clothes.

Predators thrive off information and they pay attention for weakness. DENY THEM ACCESS.

Stay smart, stay calm and stay safe!

~Dojo Diva

June 15, 2015
Gracie Barra Mansfield—Where Boys Can Be Boys

Gracie-Barra Mansfield is a fabulous place to learn, grow and make lasting friendships. We are a dojo for the WHOLE family, so if you are in the Arlington, TX area, come by for a visit! We are offering an entire month for FREE.

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is called “the gentle martial art” because it is a form that can be practiced for a lifetime. It is well-suited for small children and is an art they can carry into the later years of life. Spawn (my five-year-old-son) and I practice BJJ together.

Though BJJ has been beneficial for both of us, I am really seeing what a difference it is making in him. Spawn is a great kid, but he was in a terrible accident when he was only a little over two. He pulled a heavy bar stool over on his face and knocked his four front teeth up into the maxilla (upper jaw bone). $20,000 worth of maxo-faxial surgery later, we took home our wee baby Bat Boy.

On top of having the missing teeth, Spawn is unusually tall for his age. His father is 6′ 6″. So between the missing teeth and the height, people (adults and kids) would assume he was far older than he really was. Thus, they didn’t understand why this GROWN kid was in Pull-Ups. They didn’t “get” that who they thought was a FIVE year-old was only three. That he wasn’t talking a lot and not fully potty trained because he was STILL a TODDLER.

I ran interference as much as I could, but kids and even adults can be cruel, sometimes not intentionally. By the next year, a child who smiled NON-STOP hid his face. I have very few pictures of him when he is not SLEEPING because the accident had taken a toll on his self-esteem. Then, we had trouble with the preschool he’d been in most of his life and I decided to homeschool.

I detail what led up to that in my post Common Core and Vegan Zombies.

I will admit that not all public schools are the same, but there is a lot of research that shows our culture is becoming increasingly anti-boy. While girls are now thriving in school, boys are struggling.

Our modern educational design has shifted to being more sedentary, collaborative, risk-averse, and feelings-focused which favors girls. Meanwhile, boys tend to be the casualties of the ever-increasing Zero-Tolerance Policies as well as the criminalization of minor offenses. Recess is disappearing and natural “boy behavior” is being medicalized and medicated, demonized and punished.

Boys are naturally more rambunctious. They play aggressively (think bear cubs) and can be inattentive, especially at younger ages. In my opinion, the current model of education is outdated. Our educational system was created as a result of the Industrial Revolution. It was funded and canonized in order to provide future generations of good factory workers. We were a nation of manufacturing and we NEEDED people who could sit still and focus on a singular task all…day…long.

These days, the US is no longer a center for manufacturing. That has moved to developing countries. Most jobs require an insane amount of multi-tasking, which (in my mind) favors those of us wired to be more A.D.D.

But that’s another blog 😀 .

And all of my socio-political arguments aside, I think most of us would at least confess that kids are expected to sit still and pay attention for far too long and then face punishment when they don’t (or can’t) comply to an unreasonable about of sedentariness.

We are blessed to live in Mansfield. I am working with the schools now and I don’t know if I will send Spawn off to Kindergarden this year now that he is old enough. I know Mansfield has an outstanding reputation so that does mitigate a lot of my worries. But, even in GREAT school systems like ours, I think we as parents can help our kids (especially our BOYS) thrive by adding in BOY-FRIENDLY activities.

I help teach the kid’s class and it is ALWAYS AWESOME to see a class filled with little girls. I grew up being the ONLY female taking martial arts and it is super cool to see these girls starting so young. But what is even COOLER for me as the mother of a son, is to have a place where Spawn is rewarded for being a BOY. Wrestling and giggling and tackling are GOOD and even rewarded.

It’s been wonderful to see my boy go from being shy and afraid to talk to people to all smiles and giggles. He LOVES BJJ and loves the kids there. Since he is engaging more, his speech is improving. I am seeing him interested in far more things because he’s gotten back that spark of bravery that the accident had almost snuffed out.

At Gracie Barra Mansfield, boys can be boys in a safe environment where boy behavior is a GOOD thing and is channeled in healthy and productive ways. It is a wonderful blend of discipline and flexibility.

I look forward to seeing you in class and BRING ON THE BOYZ!!!

What are your thoughts? Are you the parent of a boy? Do you find yourself having to add in extra “boy-friendly activities”?

Stay smart, stay calm and stay SAFE!

~Dojo Diva

June 8, 2015
Ten Habits for Effective Self Defense

The Gracie Mansfield Avengers are my BJJ BROTHERS.

If you happen to live in the Fort Worth or Arlington area? Gracie Barra Mansfield is a great place to learn Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Get in shape, bond, make friends, and spend quality time with the entire family. Here at Gracie Mansfield, we not only believe Jiu Jistu is for everyone, but we are passionate about training you how to keep yourself and your loved ones SAFE.

This said, the recipe for any successful attack ALWAYS has three ingredients: A Victim, a Perpetrator and an Opportunity.

Yes, learning self-defense, grappling, chokes, sweeps, locks, etc. is beneficial, but the BEST self-defense, the one that has the HIGHEST success rate?

Simply live in a way that never completes the predator’s recipe.

We can take away OPPORTUNITY simply by forming good habits (and this applies to EVERYONE, including the black belt 😉 ).

Today, we are going to discuss ten simple habits that can take away some of the most common opportunities evil people exploit.

AVOID CONFLICT

AAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Truth is, I want you to try a Gracie Barra Mansfield class. I love martial arts. We are a Dojo Family. My five-year-old son and I take classes together. But the reality is that real-life attacks are never cut and dry. Even if we do walk away, there can be lasting consequences physically, emotionally, mentally and even legally.

This means that the best way to win a fight is to avoid one at ALL COST. Leave, run away, FLEE! Yes, Gracie can help prepare us for worst-case-scenarios, but the most prudent course of action? Don’t get in a worst-case-scenario to begin with.

BE AWARE

We’ve already talked some about this. Modern life has created a LOT of bad habits. Talking, texting, listening to music, wearing headphones. BAD, BAD JUJU. If we are outside of our house, our heads need to be on a swivel. We must first spot danger if we hope to avoid it.

DON’T LET YOURSELF BE OUTNUMBERED

Round a corner and there is a group of people who make your Spidey-Senses tingle? LISTEN TO YOUR SPIDEY-SENSES. Turn around and find a better route (preferably one well-lit with people).

Even if you don’t have your Spidey-Senses go off? We should turn around especially if we’re alone. We should never give an opportunity for that seemingly innocuous group of teens to turn into a mob playing the Knockout Game…on US.

BE AWARE ALWAYS

Pay attention to who is around you. How can we know we are being followed or even herded if we aren’t aware who is around us?

Along with texting and Facebook, another MAJOR distraction is sight-seeing (especially now that it is summer). We can get so caught up in the new sights and smells and opportunities for a cool selfie that we fail to be vigilant.

Remember, ALL places can be potentially dangerous, but especially places where we might tend to feel safer or be having so much fun that we let down our guard. Predators LOVE resorts, theme parks, beaches, lakes, and popular tourist destinations.

The places we love to go have fun are the favorite hunting ground of the predator. Keep that in mind so that the memories of any vacation are happy ones.

GET IN THE CAR AND LEAVE

Image vie Flickr Creative Commons.

We females are notorious for getting in the car and then taking time to check makeup, our phones, make a call, etc. These activities can and should be done LATER. Sitting in a parked car alone is already a vulnerable spot, but sitting there absorbed in an activity is just trouble waiting to happen.

Sure, we might get away with doing this many many years, but it only takes ONE TIME to alter or end a life.

Remember we talked about the minds of predators. Like wolves, a human predator’s primary activity involves searching for and then exploiting vulnerability. Don’t give them the opportunity. Get in the car, lock it and leave.

WALK WIDE AROUND CORNERS OF BUILDINGS

We don’t know what is on the other side of a blind corner, so form a habit of walking wide around blind spots. Hedges are also dangerous. When I used to live in apartments we had a large hedge near one of the buildings. It was shocking how many females would just wander past (usually texting) with no thought about who might be waiting on the other side.

LOOK UP

I have a friend who was a Green Beret and he’d laugh at how regular people never LOOK UP…and he was right. Again, back when I lived in an apartment complex, I’d often go sit and read on the stairs. It was shocking how many people walked past and never knew I was there.

Remember that just being aware can take away an attacker’s opportunity. We don’t need to walk around like frightened chickens, but keep an eye on what’s going on around and remember to also glance up 😉 .

AVOID REACTION-NUMBING SUBSTANCES IN PUBLIC (OR UNFAMILIAR) PLACES

Summertime is a time we like to let go and have fun, but substances like alcohol are a main ingredient for disaster. Remember that to stay safe, the BEST plan is to avoid bad situations. When we are under the influence, we don’t make quick decisions or even good decisions. We might let down our guard, allow people in our personal space or not read important red flags heralding danger.

Danger is tough enough to avoid sober, so it is best that we keep a clear head.

GUARD YOUR DRINKS

Speaking of drinks, this is not necessarily just for alcoholic beverages. Watch ALL drinks. Before I got married, I LOVED to go dancing and I always drank water. If I left to use the restroom, I always got a new glass FROM THE BARTENDER.

I would not even trust a friend watching your drink. Bars are filled with distractions (kind of the point of a club or bar) and it is simply too easy for a skilled predator to compromise a beverage with some kind of drug.

Also, do not let anyone you do not know and trust buy you a drink and, even then, always be present when the drink is prepared.

THEY ARE STILL A STRANGER

Seems legit….

In social situations, it is easy to get talking to a person and let the guard down too soon. It might be a person we meet at the lake or a club or even a first date. Remember that while the person might be friendly, he still could simply be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. People should earn our trust.

Our job isn’t to be frightened of the world and think everything is going to kill us, but we should maintain a healthy respect for danger. Self-defense can become as natural as breathing if we get into and maintain smart habits. We look forward to seeing you in class!

Be smart and be safe!

~Dojo Diva

June 1, 2015
Train Jiu Jitsu—Be the Sheepdog

As we talked about last time, we don’t have to be a black belt to know how to stay safe. Sure, having a black belt is COOL, but there are some simple things we can do, that we can teach our KIDS to do so that we can minimize what bad people can do.

If you’ve seen the movie, “American Sniper” you have heard the parable of the Wolf, the Sheep and the Sheepdog. I actually laughed out loud in that scene because I think that speech must be issued to all Texas parents, or at least military parents because I recall getting the same speech when I was a kid.

For those who haven’t heard it, the analogy goes as so. There are three kinds of people in the world. There are the wolves. Wolves prey on the weak for their own ends. They are always looking to exploit a weakness. When wolves (or any predator) hunts, they don’t go after the strongest and the fastest. They target weakness. They go for the small, the weak, the young, the old, the infirm, or the one who wandered off and isn’t paying attention. They go for the one who strayed too far from the safety of a group.

This is what wolves DO with most of their time. They hunt, they search and study and patrol LOOKING for any kind of weakness where they can take advantage.

There are human wolves. All they do is look for opportunity to exploit.

Then there are the sheep. Sheep are dumb. They are often oblivious. They follow where they are led and they will even follow to slaughter. They don’t question. They are a herd creature and they are the favorite prey for the predator.

Finally, we have the sheepdog. The sheepdog is a formidable adversary. The sheepdog is FIERCE but also gentle, loving, loyal and protective. The sheepdog watches over the sheep. Hs doesn’t exploit the sheep. If he sees a little one wandering off, he herds him back to the group and watches out for predators.

For the sheepdog, violence isn’t always the answer, but it IS an option.

Our goal in Jiu Jitsu (or any martial arts) is to train sheepdogs. Those with an interest in becoming wolves with our techniques don’t last long, and they know they will ignite the ire of a pack of nasty sheepdogs if they are discovered. So most stay away. Many people join Jiu Jitsu to be trained how to transition from sheep to sheepdog.

When I was growing up, we used to train Belgium Sheepdogs as service animals. What was SO COOL was that you could see the wiring of the sheepdog from puppy to elderly. The pups would bounce around and play in a group of small children, but if one of the toddlers decided to wander off, the pups would rush over and gently guide the baby back to the group. Same with the old dogs. We had an elderly Belgium who was an AMAZING service animal even at the age of eleven.

But sheepdogs exhibit behaviors that distinguish them from wolves and from sheep and we can learn from that. In fact, Gracie Barra training is ALL ABOUT honing and training our inner sheepdog.

Image courtesy of Virtual Wolf via Flickr Creative Commons

Sheepdogs are NOT PACK ANIMALS LIKE WOLVES

Wolves will almost always be found hunting in packs. They are bullies and use their numbers to pick on the weak. They don’t like one-on-one confrontation because they lose advantage.

Sheepdogs have no problem with one-on-one confrontation and they don’t rely on outnumbering for advantage.

Sheepdogs are NOT HERD ANIMALS LIKE SHEEP

Yes, sheepdogs meander through the herd, they protect the herd, but they are never ONE with the herd. They don’t rely on safety in numbers like the sheep. They are never part of the groupthink of the herd.

Sheepdogs are ALWAYS Alert, Present and AWARE of Surroundings

Sheepdogs might be seen basking in the sun but trust me, they are very aware who who is where and doing what. They are always on the alert for any signs of danger and that somethings doesn’t look right. They keep an eye on those who are weak, not to take advantage, but rather to PROTECT the weak from predators who wish to exploit.

Sheepdogs Will Never Seek a Confrontation but They Won’t Back Down from One

Sheepdogs don’t go out “looking” for predators. They generally hang back and keep watch. But, should danger present itself? GAME ON.

Sheepdogs are WIRED to Be Prepared

Sheepdogs have genetic wiring that gives them the ability to take on or back down a predator.

When we train in Jiu Jistu, we are training to be sheepdogs. Unlike sheepdogs, we don’t have the same genetic wiring, so there are skills we need to learn.

I hate to say it, but I see A LOT of sheep behavior in people and it’s a good way to get hurt or killed. One of the first steps we can do to stay safe (and keep those around us safe) is to start behaving more like a sheepdog and less like a sheep.

Some Human Sheep Behaviors

Headphones

I like listening to music as much as the next person, but one thing I see that vexes me PROFOUNDLY are people (particularly females) out jogging in a park alone wearing a set of headphones. To me, they look like some little lamb that’s wandered to the outside of the herd and is too busy munching on dandelions to notice the wolf.

Remember, human predators think and act A LOT like predators in nature. What better place to snag an unsuspecting victim than a park where the potential victim is oblivious to her surroundings?

If you want to jog wearing headphones, great. But get some friends to go with or do this in a contained environment like a gym. Predators back down when there are numbers. If you are alone? Ditch the headphones so you can maintain situational awareness.

Smart Phones

I love Facebook. I like to text and talk as much as the next person. But, there is a time and a place for everything. Parking lots are NOTORIOUSLY dangerous, and yet daily I see people walking alone (usually with headphones) completely immersed in their Twitter feed instead of paying attention and looking for potential threats.

If I am busy tweeting about my latte, I can’t see that there is a panel van or an open trunk or a pack of thugs who look like they might want to go Christmas shopping with MY purse.

Put the phone away until you are in a safer place. Don’t text and talk when you are walking across the wolves’ favorite hunting grounds.

Conversation

As a Stay-at-Home Mom, I totally get it. Sometimes we just have to go unleash the kids in the park. It CAN get boring watching Junior on the monkey bars and it is tempting to chat with a friend or another parent (or even get out the cell phone). This is fine so long as we limit it and keep situational awareness.

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO CONFRONT A POTENTIAL WOLF

I always stay on the lookout for potential predators. One day I had my two young nephews at a park. I noticed a man walk down the hill and linger along the fringes in a copse of trees beyond the play equipment. He had no children, but was unusually focused on the kids in the park. I moved in between him and the kids and made STRONG EYE CONTACT to let him know I SAW HIM. I NOTICED HIM.

He left.

Those who are going to possibly prey on a small child are hoping we aren’t paying attention. They DO NOT like being noticed. Often, like the sheepdog perking its ears and growling, this is enough to make the predator slink away, because they have lost their greatest advantages—stealth and invisibility. They KNOW we are not going to let any little lambs wander their direction.

Again, I hope you find a Gracie Barra close or even come join us here in Mansfield. We are offering free trials so you can get a taste of Advanced Sheepdog Training. Train the pups!

Just remember, stay alert, stay calm and stay SAFE!

~Dojo Diva

May 28, 2015
Ten Major Health Benefits of Gracie Barra Jiu-Jitsu

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has a lot of benefits one might not think of right away, so today we are going to talk about Ten HUGE Health Benefits of Gracie Jiu Jitsu. How do I know about these benefits?

I LIVE them.

Not only am I a forty-one-year-old woman. I am a mom, a writer, and a C.E.O. of my own company. Stress just goes with the territory. Gracie Jiu Jitsu has been a lifesaver.

Life has not been all bunnies and unicorns for me. I’ve struggled with MAJOR health issues. Last summer, I suddenly had a strange rash break out on my side and finally landed in the ER from pain. I found out I had SHINGLES.

Nothing to make a gal feel young and sexy like SHINGLES.

I wouldn’t wish Shingles on my worst enemy. In 1995, I fractured my lower back and it didn’t hurt nearly as badly as Shingles. With Shingles? I was in sheer agony. Every nerve ending was on fire. I was also tired, moody, depressed and did I mention the PAIN?

But, Shingles was a wakeup call. I feel I finally got this ill because the stress of taking care of aging family members, the stress of running a business, the stress of traveling and working non-stop finally dog-piled me. BJJ has helped me tremendously and I recovered from Shingles far faster than any doctor anticipated. I firmly believe Jiu Jitsu is the reason I was able to bounce back as quickly as I did.

So here are TEN Major Benefits from BJJ…

Make You Sweat—In our climate-controlled-anti-perspirant-loving worlds, it is easy to forget that we humans were designed to SWEAT. We seem to do everything possible to avoid sweating, but that can come at a heavy cost to our health.

We live in a stressful world and often don’t make the best food choices when we are on the go. Additionally, we are exposed to all kinds of environmental toxins our forefathers and foremothers didn’t have to contend with. We inhale exhaust from cars and formaldehyde from carpet and building materials. We ingest petroleum-based estrogen from plastic bottles and food wrappers. Our bodies endure a relentless assault of toxins and chemicals, which we NEED to get rid of.

How does the body do this? SWEAT. Feeling fatigued, depressed, anxious, tired, bloated? How long has it been since you had a good soak-through-your-clothes-SWEAT?

If we don’t sweat, all that junk just builds up in our system. Trust me, in BJJ, you will SWEAT.

Make You MOVE–Modern life is very sedentary. We drive places instead of walking. We use machines to do what we used to do by hand (I.e. washing/scrubbing clothes). Our body is made up largely of water. Our lymphatic system is there to help detox poisons and garbage from the blood and get rid of cancer-causing cells in the body. How does it work? With WATER. But water alone isn’t enough.

Physical activity helps the lymphatic fluid pump through our system to give it a good cleaning.

What happens when a body of water has no movement? It is stagnant and gross and bad stuff starts to grow. Our bodies are the same. Movement helps keep those currents flowing and our body rejuvenated.

Stress Release—Feel like you are waiting to exhale? Do you often forget to breathe throughout the day? I’m a writer by trade and I know that sometimes I just suddenly gulp down air because I’m so tense, so focused on what I am doing, I forget to BREATHE.

Again, human lifestyles used to accommodate for stresses. For instance, we had to walk places. We could decompress, move, maybe watch the sun or birds and we could wind down while we were getting from Point A to Point B.

These days, when we go from Point A to Point B? We DRIVE…which is usually just STRESS on STEROIDS. We get home and all we have left in us is to veg out. Why? Because all that stress is just piling up and it NEEDS to be diffused.

Potential energy (stress) needs to be turned into kinetic energy (movement) or we are setting ourselves up for overload and burnout.

And, to be blunt, society frowns on us choking that other driver who has never met a BLINKER…but we can work out that repressed urge to choke people in a socially acceptable way with Jiu Jitsu 😀 .

Lower Cortisol Levels—Cortisol is a hormone released when we are under stress. Though this hormone is necessary and helpful, modern lifestyles have allowed this bugger to go cray-cray. Poor diet, not enough sleep, stress from work, home, finances all place our bodies in a non-stop cycle of “hormonally” being “ready” for a fight…that never comes.

Hit the mats. Burn off that cortisol.

Better Sleep—Again, modern lifestyles are to blame. In the “olden” days, it was easier to get a good night’s rest. First of all, before the advent of electric lighting, people went to bed when the sun went down. They wound down to the low light of a fire, candle or lantern. This bright-halogen-stay-up-as-many- hours-as-you-can is NOT NORMAL and NOT HEALTHY.

Light pollution and sound pollution are also problems that can interfere with sleep.

But, one HUGE reason we aren’t sleeping the way we should? We aren’t wearing out the BODY. Our brains are fried. Our emotions are raw and bleeding, but our bodies? They’ve been forced to do a very unnatural thing…SIT STILL ALL DAY.

What I love about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is that it is an intense workout that can be tailored for any level of skill or fitness. When I started, I was 40 years old and 40 pounds overweight. I was also coming off five months with Shingles. Now? I am still recovering from Shingles, but I am a lot healthier. All I have had to do is up my intensity. BJJ worked for where I was, and works where I AM.

Flexibility—This one is HUGE for me. I’ve been a writer for going on 14 years. Six years ago, I was crippled with tendonitis in my hands, wrists, elbows and shoulders. I couldn’t hold my son (who was a baby) and could barely function in my job.

I did physical therapy, yoga, weights, more yoga and it never fully went away. Finally, I figured I would be in pain anyway so I signed up for BJJ. Six weeks later the tendonitis was gone. What I tried for SIX YEARS to fix, BJJ did in SIX WEEKS.

When I traced back how this could be so, I realized that a lot of the movements in BJJ are opposite of what we do in life. In life, we are hunched over a steering wheel, a keyboard. We are curled inward. Many of the movements in BJJ strengthen and stretch muscles we aren’t using enough.

Improved Focus—Face it, if you are wearing out your body, breathing, moving, and stretching? You probably will sleep better which will help focus. BUT, BJJ is a unique sport. There is a LOT of strategy involved and it is as much of a sport of the mind as it is the body.

In BJJ it isn’t about who is the strongest, but often who is the smartest 😉 . I’m closing in on my blue belt and what I am learning is that if I fight smarter, I don’t have to fight HARDER.

BJJ helps focus in that it trains the mind to be engaged and deliberate, which can be a fresh change of pace from the routine of being on auto-pilot.

Relaxation—These days we have a tough time winding down. We are keyed up on energy drinks and our RIDICULOUS American culture expects us to give 110% 110% of the time. We are penalized for vacations and sick days. And then we wonder why so many Americans are obese, unhealthy and unhappy?

BJJ wears out the will the mind and the body so we can RECOVER. It also helps us learn to get in tune with the bodies and minds we’ve probably been ignoring far too long.

Better Hydration—Trust me, come try an hour of BJJ and all you will want is WATER and LOTS OF IT. I know many people trying to lose weight struggle with getting rid of sodas and even alcohol. So change the pattern. Go to the WHY. Why are we drinking sugary caffeinated drinks? Because we are tired. Why are we tired? Because we are dehydrated and over caffeinated and stressed. Same with alcohol. We are maybe having that wine or beer just so we can get SOME SLEEP.

In the absence of activity, these drinks DO provide a reward. Start doing BJJ and these drinks will start becoming a penalty. You just feel ICKY. Water is soon what you crave because rolling around on the ground after too much wine or a day filled with Coca Cola is just…UGH.

Better Food Choices—Again, change the pattern. Sugary processed foods have a reward when we are sedentary. But, get active and suddenly we fill like someone dumped sugar in our gas tank…because THAT is EXACTLY what is happening.

Gracie believes that Jiu Jitsu is a lifestyle. Yes, it is great that we can turn any potential mugger or rapist into a human pretzel, but the LIFE of BJJ is the longer-lasting reward that you can enjoy every day.

May 18, 2015
Want to WIN? Learn to QUIT—BJJ and the Power of Quitting

Dojo Diva here! Happy Monday! Today we are going to talk about QUITTING. Wait? Didn’t we just talk about beginning? YES. But starting and quitting are actually more closely related than one might imagine. To quote the one of the greatest movies ever…

Sometimes the way forward is often the way baaack. ~Labyrinth

Gracie Jiu Jitsu practitioners learn that we never lose, only learn. In the beginning, this can be tough to embrace because pride and ego get in the way. When I started BJJ, I didn’t (obviously) have any skill, but I DID have strength. I also had an ego. When we’d spar (roll) I’d muscle through using power instead of finesse. Problem was, I didn’t want to lose, so I wouldn’t tap out even when it was clear I was beaten with yet another arm bar. I’d hold on and hold on and HOLD ON and MAKE them truly get the arm bar before I would tap out.

Dumb, dumb, dumb-ditty dumb.

I still “lost.” I only delayed “losing” and added a strained elbow or shoulder on top of it.

Finally, I slowed down long enough to listen and decided to try it the “Gracie Way” instead of my own. I slowed down, focused on my breathing and gave up trying to “win” and instead focused on learning. What was I doing or not doing that was leading to me being in a bad spot? I set aside my pride and traded it for allowing myself to be new. Now, the second I feel I goofed up? I tap out, reverse engineer what went wrong and work to correct it.

There are so many things in life we can be powering through and in our fear of “giving up” we lose the larger and more important lesson.

There’s a famous quote that I feel does a LOT of damage if we aren’t careful. “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” Inspiring? YES. Accurate? NO.

I posit that winners actually are expert quitters. They quit things all the time! They quit toxic relationships that are taking time and energy away from their goals. They quit a business plan that’s going nowhere. They quit shopping novels that maybe didn’t turn out as well as planned and they move on to the next book and do better because they can use the experience from the story that went sideways.

I like to say, “Persistence looks a lot like stupid.” The act of never giving up is noble, but never giving up on the wrong things is a formula to fail. We have to learn to detect the difference between quitting a tactic and quitting a dream.

Quitting is very valuable when applied properly.

Quitting Shortens the Learning Curve

When I learned to “quit” in BJJ, I started seeing more clearly what I was doing wrong. I was able to keep going and get more practice because I could stop and ask questions. “Hey, what do I do when I find myself HERE?” And I could use the time as a learning opportunity. Also, I prevented injuries that might have made me have to take off valuable time from Jiu Jitsu.

Quitting Saves Time and Money

In business, quitting can save time, manpower and money. Too many people hang onto a mistake far too long, because they’ve already invested a lot of time and money making that mistake. What happens is we are then throwing good money after bad. Sometimes, we just have to take the hit as a learning experience and move on to more productive endeavors.

Quitting a relationship in business often means we have the tough task of firing someone. Most of us don’t like the idea of hurting anyone, so we avoid it. As a business owner? I HATED having to admit I made a mistake in hiring. But I can honestly say that every person I’ve fired should have been cut loose far earlier.

I had a writer I knew who I hired to do basic administrative stuff. He was a really nice guy I wanted to help…but he was a DISASTER in the job I’d given him. He sent messages to the wrong people, missed messages, made all kinds of errors in the paperwork. A person I’d hired to help me save time was sucking every spare minute I had cleaning up his mistakes. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and keep hoping things would improve.

They didn’t.

But, by NOT quitting on an idea (letting this person GO), I ended up causing damage that wouldn’t have been there had I been brave enough to put a stop to something that wasn’t working.

Quitting Makes Pressing On EASIER

As an author, quitting has saved me pointless revisions. When I get a feel a story is going nowhere? I stop. Go back to the basics. What is my log-line? Why is the story unraveling or fizzling?

I used to just keep going, keep writing and believe that I would find my way out. What I actually did was make the landscape far more confusing and the novel much harder to repair because now I had an additional 30,000 words I didn’t want to part with. Had I quit earlier when I first sensed the plot derailing, it would have been far simpler to get back on track.

Quitting is very useful. In BJJ, it helps us learn, grow toward mastery and have far fewer injuries. Same in working out. If it’s hurting in a WRONG WAY? Quit! Quitting saves a lot of time, effort, energy and drama if we learn to get good at it 😉 .

What are your thoughts? Do you practice BJJ? Did you have a hard time quitting (tapping out) in the beginning? Did you improve once you learned it was okay to “lose”? Have you had some tough things in life that got better once you quit what wasn’t working? Are you bad about quitting? Do you hold on to things far too long and to your own detriment? Can you think of some things you might need to quit?

I LOVE hearing from you!

May 11, 2015
The Dip–A Crucible for Character

The Dip can feel like a BLACK HOLE

So we’ve talked about how hard it is to begin. We are in the company of our fears and insecurities. Maybe we even get pushback from friends. But, a new level, a new devil.

Meet THE DIP

You pushed all those negative thoughts back and STARTED. GO YOU! Maybe you started a new eating plan, a new novel, a new BJJ class. Odds are there was some pain involved, but the changes you saw were enough to keep pressing. Sure, you might have been bummed to be eating veggies and chicken instead of drive-thru burgers, but the clothes started getting looser and your skin began to glow. That new novel seemed to write itself. Yes, BJJ was hard, but MAN what a workout and you were learning SO MUCH.

Then????

*brakes screech*

Sometime, somewhere you ran into a wall.

Now? No matter how many veggies you eat, the scale isn’t budging. You pound on the keyboard, play with spitballs and try to be inspired, but? NOTHING. You can’t seem to finish that novel. If you are like me in BJJ, you feel like you’ve been at this FOREVER and you just aren’t getting any better. X number of months in and you wonder if maybe the dojo would be better off spraying your gi with Endust so at least the mats will be clean when your opponents finish wiping the floor with you.

The Dip is that pan of suck right before the breakthrough (thank you Seth Godin). No one knows how long The Dip will last until they are standing on the other side. Problem is, this is the place most people give up.

It is easy to keep pressing when we have some kind of outside validation that what we are doing will eventually pay off.

It’s easy to keep eating super healthy so long as the scale is going down. It’s easy to keep writing so long as the chapters are flowing. It’s easy to keep blogging so long as people comment and the stats at least improve.

But can we keep doing it even with NO SIGN what we are doing is “working”?

I’m a mom. I have a great kid, but he IS a five-year-old boy, which means he is like an Etch-A-Sketch someone shakes every night erasing all I imparted on him throughout the day. Even though we HAVE a routine and we HAVE structure, I still have to remind him over and over and… *cries* over.

“Is that how we ask for things? Please may I have…?”

“Is that where your shoes go?”

“It is not my job to keep up with your XBox controller. No, YOU need to look for it.”

Many times it would just be a LOT easier to give him what he wants without insisting on manners and respect. It would be easier to put away his shoes and find the controller because short-term? It is easier.

Did I mention that it is EASIER?

Meet The Spawn

But what would happen fifteen, twenty or twenty-five years from now? What kind of person would he be? Granted, I can’t control all of his choices, but as his mother it is my responsibility to at least TRY to rear a good citizen who is respectful and has self-control.

But I can’t always SEE that. That is why it is important to…

Keep Our Eyes Beyond The Dip

Lately I have felt stuck in BJJ. I didn’t feel like I was improving all that much. But, I kept thinking of why I began. I wanted a black belt in SOMETHING. Apparently sarcasm doesn’t count 😛 .

So, I just kept showing up. And, today I was at the gym doing my own training and found that, suddenly, a certain drill that was really cumbersome and awkward clicked. It is a small step, but it IS a step.

With my son, day-to-day I can’t SEE who he will become and parenting can feel like a GINORMOUS Dip. We seem to never make it forward. Every day is new, but still sticky, coated in cat fur or lost in the basket of socks we STILL need to fold.

Then one day, he says or does something that I stop and go, “OMG! He IS listening! It’s working!”

The Trick To Busting The Dip

Keep pressing. We need to remember the WHY behind what we are doing. We should keep our eyes OFF The Dip (namely because that sucker is HUGE and intimidating) and instead keep our eyes on putting one foot in front of the other.

Never underestimate the value of simply showing up.

I did this as a writer. I blogged when no one cared what I had to say. I blogged for a YEAR AND A HALF to the spam bots. Now, eight years later that my name is in Writer’s Digest Magazine? Sure, WAY easier to show up. But what if I’d focused on The Dip instead of the work?

Right now? I have all kinds of other Dips (organizing my house, getting a blue belt in BJJ, finishing my next book). That’s the thing about Dips. We get past one and soon? There will be ANOTHER Dip and likely a tougher one. This is why we must learn the PSYCHOLOGY of The Dip.

Dips serve some great purposes:

Dips weed out the uncommitted.

If every person who started writing a novel could be GUARANTEED to be a New York Times Best-Selling Author? They’d likely finish the novel. But it is simply because there ARE NO guarantees that few people ever get published at all. Most give up because they really didn’t LOVE writing.

Dips make us value what we’ve achieved.

Trust me. When I get that ~~black~~ okay, blue belt? I AM WEARING IT EVERYWHERE. I will VACUUM the house in that thing because I worked my tail off for it.

Dips harden us and fire out our character impurities.

I used to make more excuses than I do now. These days? Because of some Dips? I am much more self-disciplined.

Dips train our minds to be formidable. Success in anything is mostly mental.

Some see obstacles and others see opportunities. Dips TRAIN THAT.

Once we learn to recognize The Dips, we know they aren’t permanent. When we realize they aren’t permanent, we can shift our locus of focus to those things we CAN control and CHOOSE to focus on those instead. We learn to be OUTLASTERS. Eventually? We eat Dips for breakfast 😉 .

What are your thoughts? Have you ever been through a DIP? Was it hard not to give up? Are you happy you didn’t? What was on the other side? Are you in a Dip now? I SO am. Which is partly why I am WRITING about Dips.

April 27, 2015
Becoming a Person of Excellence—Permission to Be NEW

Dojo Diva here and today we are going to chat some more about BEGINNING. Last time, we talked about the crabs in the bucket and how we are wise realize that not everyone will throw us a party when we set out to do anything remarkable. When we decide to try Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, lose weight, save for a vacation, start a novel, go back to school, it can often be those closest who offer the most resistance.

It’s natural. People LOVE homeostasis, meaning they LOVE the comfort zone. Problem is, nothing amazing every happened in the comfort zone.

One thing that can get in the way of us beginning is our tendency to procrastinate. Procrastination is often birthed from perfectionism.

We might set standards so high that we set ourselves up for failure. This is why a lot of people are tired, grumpy and burned out three weeks into the New Year.

We bite off way more than we can chew and sabotage our success.

In Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, you are a white belt a long, long, looooooong time. Unlike other forms of martial arts where one is a white belt for all of a minute, BJJ leaves you as a white belt for at least a year (we get stripes instead of new colors).

Talk about a lesson in HUMILITY. There is nothing intimidating about being a WHITE BELT. Those IN BJJ know how hard it is for us to earn those stripes, but those folks on the outside? They’re wondering what’s wrong that our belt hasn’t changed color in 8 months.

But, I will say that being left a white belt has actually been better for me. It has given me permission to be NEW. BJJ is SUPER complex. There is a LOT of subtlety and nuance to this sport. Unlike other forms of martial arts, it’s impossible to get better alone. You HAVE to grapple. You NEED mat time to appreciate the feel of the opponent and learn to be strategic and seize opportunities.

This remaining a white belt for SO long has helped me in daily life because it’s taught me to be more realistic with my expectations.

Often we get frustrated and quit because we are expecting too much too soon. Years ago, when I decided to become a writer, I was humiliated that my first novel wasn’t worthy of a Pulitzer. Why? I was NEW.

I see SO many potentially great writers give up because their first novel or first draft doesn’t make angels weep. They fail to understand that this art (like all other arts) takes TIME. It takes practice. When it comes to writing, they are a WHITE BELT and they are in that span of suck where they are developing and honing new skills and instincts.

Just like it is NOT natural to sit alone and write 100,000 words, it is NOT natural to want a fight to go to the ground.

Discipline is UNNATURAL

Chaos and entropy? THAT is natural. The path of least resistance? THAT is natural. When we are new, we are shifting the settings on our “natural.” When others find it natural to eat junk, we lose our taste for it. Cheap fast food burgers begin to taste UNNATURAL. When others find it natural to watch reality television, we get twitchy because we WANT to be at the dojo (or gym or computer). Sitting around feels UNNATURAL.

Small Habits= Big Changes

When we start something new, we can get overwhelmed because we think we need to do SO MUCH. Yet, if we can focus on small changes daily, eventually these habits spread. When we decide to eat healthy we might cut out every poor food choice at once…and then feel icky and be tempted to hold up a Baskin Robbins with a shotgun.

Instead, start with cutting soda intake and replacing with water. Maybe commit to ONE serving of greens with every meal. Add to over time.

Want an immaculate and organized home? Try FlyLady. Baby steps ARE steps!

Same with writing a book. Too many wanna-be authors feel they must write ten pages a day. Start with 500 words. Build on that over time. 500 words a day (if we stick to it) is a novel in six months.

In BJJ, start with a free class. Then add to that. Commit to two days a week. Even two days a week can add up to BIG transitions if we are CONSISTENT. Instead of focusing on skills, focus first on being CONSISTENT and skills will eventually come.

Remember we are what we repeatedly do. If we want to change who we are, we must first change our habits. To change these habits LONG-TERM, we must give ourselves permission to LEARN, permission to be NEW. Whatever you are seeking to accomplish, remember that the white belt is precious because it represents the biggest CHANGE.

You started. Now keep pressing!

What are your thoughts? Do you have a bad habit of trying to do too much too soon? You overdo it at the gym or give yourself tendonitis from trying to write the Great American Novel in a week? Have you gotten better at pacing yourself? Are you too hard on yourself? Maybe get discouraged easily?

For those who are white belts, do you find it discouraging sometimes? I do. I’m human. I know I am getting closer to blue, but it DOES feel light years away some days.

I LOVE hearing from you!

April 20, 2015